Unfocused
Y'all, I am losing my mind. I am so unfocused. I can't figure out what direction I am going in. I feel scattered and loosey goosey. I start one thing, but get distracted and don't finish it because I am doing something else. Today I made reservations for a weekend trip, while in the midst of doing that, Andrew started to walk out the door. I had just told him we were leaving to go to the bank in a minute, but he escaped anyway. If I let him get full and out the door, then I would have to round him up from the outer reaches of the galaxy. I throw open the door, I'm clapping and waving him back in, all while I am trying to talk to this lady, make my reservations, gather up some papers to take to the bank, my purse, keys, Alexa- who has no shoes on. I'm trying to lock the door, get in the car, still make these reservations, give my credit card number, ask questions, listen to what she's telling me, start the car, back out of the drive way without running over a kid, or into a car, and go to the bank. Now that I've written all of that- NO WONDER I FELT SO PRODUCTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have. That was an Olympic sport. I feel perfectly justified in the nap I took when I got home. (yes- I take a daily 15 minute nap. It's summer, I am a teacher, and my kids overwhelm my senses. I need that nap to recharge my brain/give it a break).
I have 2 things that have me totally distracted: Andrew and Alexa.
1. Andrew- he's like trying to hold warm water. You can't do it. It slips and slides out of your hands. It goes everywhere. Yesterday, I told that kid 3 times about our plans for today. This morning- he had no clue about any of them. When I fuss at him about how he needs to pay attention, so I don't have to repeat myself 1 billion times, he just smiles or says, "Yes m'am. I'm sorry." That sounds mannerful, except my dad said the other day, "Well- he says the right words, but his tone suggests he's not that sorry." Amen. I spend so much of the day telling him stuff I've already told him. He has no awareness of time. For example- just now. We just finished dinner. He looks at the clock and says, "We need to leave at 7:10." At 6:45, he tries to go outside and play basketball. I call him back in and I'm like, "Dude- are you ready to go?" He says, "Go where?" WTF??????? That's my day, all day. God Bless Middle School Teachers. Today at his well visit, his physician asked if I had any concerns. My answer was, "None that aren't totally typical of his age and sex." He laughed.
2. Alexa- she's totally here and with it. She knows all of our plans, and she prepares for them, so I don't have to keep reminding her of our schedule. The distraction she provides me is totally different. She never stops talking. Ever. For real. She never stops talking. The constant sound coming at me, becomes overwhelming. It's alllllllllll day. With sound. I've talked to her repeatedly about how her thoughts are important, but some of them can just be thoughts. I'm trying to help her become aware of what can be thought, and what doesn't need to be said. (She's not saying rude things. She says things like, "I am picking theeee red pen. I like the red pen. The red pen is so pretty! This is going to be the coolest picture when I'm done. I'll show it to my friend. Then we'll color one together. Ooh, look at me coloring the flower red. Mom, look at the red flower. Isn't it cool?!" Pretty much most of that should be an internal monologue- that she says out loud.) I'm trying to explain that so much sound is distracting to other people. That sometimes it takes away from silence, and quiet is okay.
Yesterday, we had an amazing thunderstorm. I stood on the front porch watching and listening to it. Alexa came out and talked. Not about the storm. About other stuff. Finally I looked at her, and I said, "Alexa- it's okay to be quiet. Sometimes it's nice to listen to the rain, or nature, or nothing. Right now, I want to listen to the rain." She kept talking. I sent her inside, then I felt bad that I was crushing her soul, and one day she won't talk to me, but I'll wish she would.
When Alexa isn't talking to me, Andrew is giving me baseball statistics. Lots and lots of baseball statistics. Why can he remember the Top 10 home run hitters in the MLB, but not that he had a doctor's appointment at 9:00, and that we had to leave a few minutes early because I had to drop Alexa off at a friend's house?!!!!! Why can he remember some random dude on the San Francisco Giants ERA, but not that he was supposed to put the chairs back on the front porch?!!! Why can he remember the 4 teams some dude from the Mets played for, but not to wash off the ice cream scoop immediately after he uses it?!!!!! It's the same rule every time. It's all good. I don't have time ponder it too much- I'm already distracted and forgot why I even came in here . . .
I have 2 things that have me totally distracted: Andrew and Alexa.
1. Andrew- he's like trying to hold warm water. You can't do it. It slips and slides out of your hands. It goes everywhere. Yesterday, I told that kid 3 times about our plans for today. This morning- he had no clue about any of them. When I fuss at him about how he needs to pay attention, so I don't have to repeat myself 1 billion times, he just smiles or says, "Yes m'am. I'm sorry." That sounds mannerful, except my dad said the other day, "Well- he says the right words, but his tone suggests he's not that sorry." Amen. I spend so much of the day telling him stuff I've already told him. He has no awareness of time. For example- just now. We just finished dinner. He looks at the clock and says, "We need to leave at 7:10." At 6:45, he tries to go outside and play basketball. I call him back in and I'm like, "Dude- are you ready to go?" He says, "Go where?" WTF??????? That's my day, all day. God Bless Middle School Teachers. Today at his well visit, his physician asked if I had any concerns. My answer was, "None that aren't totally typical of his age and sex." He laughed.
2. Alexa- she's totally here and with it. She knows all of our plans, and she prepares for them, so I don't have to keep reminding her of our schedule. The distraction she provides me is totally different. She never stops talking. Ever. For real. She never stops talking. The constant sound coming at me, becomes overwhelming. It's alllllllllll day. With sound. I've talked to her repeatedly about how her thoughts are important, but some of them can just be thoughts. I'm trying to help her become aware of what can be thought, and what doesn't need to be said. (She's not saying rude things. She says things like, "I am picking theeee red pen. I like the red pen. The red pen is so pretty! This is going to be the coolest picture when I'm done. I'll show it to my friend. Then we'll color one together. Ooh, look at me coloring the flower red. Mom, look at the red flower. Isn't it cool?!" Pretty much most of that should be an internal monologue- that she says out loud.) I'm trying to explain that so much sound is distracting to other people. That sometimes it takes away from silence, and quiet is okay.
Yesterday, we had an amazing thunderstorm. I stood on the front porch watching and listening to it. Alexa came out and talked. Not about the storm. About other stuff. Finally I looked at her, and I said, "Alexa- it's okay to be quiet. Sometimes it's nice to listen to the rain, or nature, or nothing. Right now, I want to listen to the rain." She kept talking. I sent her inside, then I felt bad that I was crushing her soul, and one day she won't talk to me, but I'll wish she would.
When Alexa isn't talking to me, Andrew is giving me baseball statistics. Lots and lots of baseball statistics. Why can he remember the Top 10 home run hitters in the MLB, but not that he had a doctor's appointment at 9:00, and that we had to leave a few minutes early because I had to drop Alexa off at a friend's house?!!!!! Why can he remember some random dude on the San Francisco Giants ERA, but not that he was supposed to put the chairs back on the front porch?!!! Why can he remember the 4 teams some dude from the Mets played for, but not to wash off the ice cream scoop immediately after he uses it?!!!!! It's the same rule every time. It's all good. I don't have time ponder it too much- I'm already distracted and forgot why I even came in here . . .
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