The Latta Family

You know the scene in "A Christmas Story" where the dad is cursing about the boiler and the mom says, "Little Pitchers?"  That's my current situation with Alexa and . . . everything.  She's hears EVERYTHING and wants to know . . . "What does that mean?"  This is a conversation that happens a LOT in the car, when we're listening to music.  She hears the lyrics and wants to know . . . what does that mean? I have had to explain some really weird things- in 6 year old terms. Today we were listening to a country song: "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson.  The song is basically about a woman who don't care if she's a redneck.  She's gonna keep right on drinking her whiskey, and singing to Tanya Tucker.  Alexa wants to know: "Why does she sing about keeping her Christmas lights on all year long?"  Oh jeez!  It seems easy to say, "Oh- she's just an old redneck who has no clue about societal rules and leaves her

Because Doug teaches a bunch of high school males- I'm probably more aware of their weird physical retaliations, threats, verbal taunts than other non-teaching adult woman in my peer group. Andrew, from a young age, picked up on the terminology and used them . . . until they weren't funny anymore.  For example- when he was 3 he used to say he was "gonna drop the hammer. . . " It was hilarious, until he got mad at me for parenting him, and he told me if didn't let him do something, "he'd drop the hammer" on me.  The phrase was no longer funny, and we stopped saying it. Now that Andrew is in 6th grade, we're adding in more verbal & physical taunts.  The current one is, "taser!"  If you don't know what a taser is, it's when a person jabs their index finger into your ribs as hard as possible and yells, "taser!"  It makes me psychotically and irrationally angry.  Just typing that description made my hands feel twitchy

My mother has this doll, from her childhood.  The doll sits in her formal living room, with her antique furniture and collectibles and portraits of family from generations ago.  Ok- I swear my mom is not weird, but this next sentence is going to make her sound a bit weird, but the doll has seasonal clothes and her Christmas dress is . . . monogrammed (although- that was a dress my mom happened upon at Goodwill, and thought it would be funny to put on old Saucy Walker). It never seemed quite so weird, until . . . I wrote it down. This doll freaks my 29 year old brother out.  We make fun of him.  (not just me- his wife, our mother, our brother in law, our sister . . . all of us).  She's been put in different locations around the house, to surprise my brother, and further freak him.  We've laughed- behind his back- about possible mean jokes to play on him: having her show up at his wedding, leaving her in his house up in New York, after a visit, etc.  We are not a nice fam

I have a special gift.  I know exactly how to take totally cool, or . . . "lit" things and make them totally annoying.  Hahaha  I love doing this. Say, for example, your child comes home with a totally awesome new phrase and they're practicing with how to interject it into normal conversation, and you hear that phrase, and ruin it, like a boss . In case you're not in on what the cool kids are saying, it's"lit."  Like: "This new song is so lit! I could listen to it all day."  "Check out this YouTube video- it's lit!"  "Did you see what he did?!  It was lit!!" I DESPISE this phrase.  Either- it's because I am turning into an old fuddy duddy.  In which case, thank goodness I am blogging about this- so I'll know the exact moment it happened to me.  Or it's just an intensely stupid phrase that is as annoying as small children with an electronic keyboard. Andrew began sampling with this term today, as we we

I'm not a morning person.  According to my mother I was . . . when I was 3 years old.  That hardly counts.  When I was in college, I don't remember.  My friends could possibly tell you, but maybe they weren't morning people either, so none of us were interacting? None of us know if we were morning people because all of us kept silent.  After college, I lived on my own until I lived with Doug, after we were married. That was a shock to the old system- for both of us.  Doug is a morning person.  He would wake up and want to talk about everything.  It was a glorious day.  Everything was sunshine and rainbows.  I DESPISED him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why did he HAVE to talk to me??????  Did I look like I cared about that?? Can't he keep his trap shut?????  For Pete's Sake!!!!  STOP. TALKING. When the honey moon was over- it was abruptly over. As I was stomping out the door in the morning we were screaming things at each other, that should not be repeated in polite comp

Every year my mom declares, "Well! The Christmas Crazies have started."  Some years they start early (as in before Thanksgiving) and other years they start later. (as in a few days before the actual Day).  Her version of the Christmas Crazies involves sleepless nights, frenetic decorating, and long lists of all the things she has to do, in order for the holiday to be perfect. I have Christmas Crazies too.  Mine tend toward the forgetful side of things.  It began this week. 'Cause lets be real y'all- I'm a teacher and I am so ready for my break- I can hardly stand myself . . . or the kids.  :-) Here are a few of the dorky things I've done this week, as I remember them, so . . . should be a short list. 1. I was pulling up to the door at Alexa's school, and suddenly forgot which door I drop her off, and drove too far up.  You know, it would be one thing if they had just started using this door, but I've dropped a kid off at that door for the last 6 y

Today is December 8.  There are 17 more days until Christmas.  I am not anywhere near, into the bulk of the season.  There's a LOT of treats to be had.  There are parties to attend, treats to be made, families to visit. My digestive system is already acting like it does AFTER Christmas.  What the heck y'all?! How rude that I'm talking about digestive issues.  I should be embarrassed.  I should have the manners to not talk about such rude topics.  Well y'all, the purpose is not to talk about digestive issues, the purpose is . . . how I am already suffering, and how it's happening more quickly into the season, and I think it's due to age.  I am a whopping 40 years old.  I'm ancient.  :-) I realized last evening things had reached a dangerous point.  I had to make some significant changes today.  Pronto.  I know my triggers.  I can handle them in small doses.  But, have I already over-indulged?!  How annoying.  It's putting a real damper on my typical o