The Latta Family

You know the scene in "A Christmas Story" where the dad is cursing about the boiler and the mom says, "Little Pitchers?"  That's my current situation with Alexa and . . . everything.  She's hears EVERYTHING and wants to know . . . "What does that mean?"  This is a conversation that happens a LOT in the car, when we're listening to music.  She hears the lyrics and wants to know . . . what does that mean? I have had to explain some really weird things- in 6 year old terms. Today we were listening to a country song: "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson.  The song is basically about a woman who don't care if she's a redneck.  She's gonna keep right on drinking her whiskey, and singing to Tanya Tucker.  Alexa wants to know: "Why does she sing about keeping her Christmas lights on all year long?"  Oh jeez!  It seems easy to say, "Oh- she's just an old redneck who has no clue about societal rules and leaves her...

Because Doug teaches a bunch of high school males- I'm probably more aware of their weird physical retaliations, threats, verbal taunts than other non-teaching adult woman in my peer group. Andrew, from a young age, picked up on the terminology and used them . . . until they weren't funny anymore.  For example- when he was 3 he used to say he was "gonna drop the hammer. . . " It was hilarious, until he got mad at me for parenting him, and he told me if didn't let him do something, "he'd drop the hammer" on me.  The phrase was no longer funny, and we stopped saying it. Now that Andrew is in 6th grade, we're adding in more verbal & physical taunts.  The current one is, "taser!"  If you don't know what a taser is, it's when a person jabs their index finger into your ribs as hard as possible and yells, "taser!"  It makes me psychotically and irrationally angry.  Just typing that description made my hands feel twitchy...

My mother has this doll, from her childhood.  The doll sits in her formal living room, with her antique furniture and collectibles and portraits of family from generations ago.  Ok- I swear my mom is not weird, but this next sentence is going to make her sound a bit weird, but the doll has seasonal clothes and her Christmas dress is . . . monogrammed (although- that was a dress my mom happened upon at Goodwill, and thought it would be funny to put on old Saucy Walker). It never seemed quite so weird, until . . . I wrote it down. This doll freaks my 29 year old brother out.  We make fun of him.  (not just me- his wife, our mother, our brother in law, our sister . . . all of us).  She's been put in different locations around the house, to surprise my brother, and further freak him.  We've laughed- behind his back- about possible mean jokes to play on him: having her show up at his wedding, leaving her in his house up in New York, after a visit, etc. ...

I have a special gift.  I know exactly how to take totally cool, or . . . "lit" things and make them totally annoying.  Hahaha  I love doing this. Say, for example, your child comes home with a totally awesome new phrase and they're practicing with how to interject it into normal conversation, and you hear that phrase, and ruin it, like a boss . In case you're not in on what the cool kids are saying, it's"lit."  Like: "This new song is so lit! I could listen to it all day."  "Check out this YouTube video- it's lit!"  "Did you see what he did?!  It was lit!!" I DESPISE this phrase.  Either- it's because I am turning into an old fuddy duddy.  In which case, thank goodness I am blogging about this- so I'll know the exact moment it happened to me.  Or it's just an intensely stupid phrase that is as annoying as small children with an electronic keyboard. Andrew began sampling with this term today, as we we...

I'm not a morning person.  According to my mother I was . . . when I was 3 years old.  That hardly counts.  When I was in college, I don't remember.  My friends could possibly tell you, but maybe they weren't morning people either, so none of us were interacting? None of us know if we were morning people because all of us kept silent.  After college, I lived on my own until I lived with Doug, after we were married. That was a shock to the old system- for both of us.  Doug is a morning person.  He would wake up and want to talk about everything.  It was a glorious day.  Everything was sunshine and rainbows.  I DESPISED him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why did he HAVE to talk to me??????  Did I look like I cared about that?? Can't he keep his trap shut?????  For Pete's Sake!!!!  STOP. TALKING. When the honey moon was over- it was abruptly over. As I was stomping out the door in the morning we were screaming things at each ...

Every year my mom declares, "Well! The Christmas Crazies have started."  Some years they start early (as in before Thanksgiving) and other years they start later. (as in a few days before the actual Day).  Her version of the Christmas Crazies involves sleepless nights, frenetic decorating, and long lists of all the things she has to do, in order for the holiday to be perfect. I have Christmas Crazies too.  Mine tend toward the forgetful side of things.  It began this week. 'Cause lets be real y'all- I'm a teacher and I am so ready for my break- I can hardly stand myself . . . or the kids.  :-) Here are a few of the dorky things I've done this week, as I remember them, so . . . should be a short list. 1. I was pulling up to the door at Alexa's school, and suddenly forgot which door I drop her off, and drove too far up.  You know, it would be one thing if they had just started using this door, but I've dropped a kid off at that door for the last 6 y...

Today is December 8.  There are 17 more days until Christmas.  I am not anywhere near, into the bulk of the season.  There's a LOT of treats to be had.  There are parties to attend, treats to be made, families to visit. My digestive system is already acting like it does AFTER Christmas.  What the heck y'all?! How rude that I'm talking about digestive issues.  I should be embarrassed.  I should have the manners to not talk about such rude topics.  Well y'all, the purpose is not to talk about digestive issues, the purpose is . . . how I am already suffering, and how it's happening more quickly into the season, and I think it's due to age.  I am a whopping 40 years old.  I'm ancient.  :-) I realized last evening things had reached a dangerous point.  I had to make some significant changes today.  Pronto.  I know my triggers.  I can handle them in small doses.  But, have I already over-indulged?!  How a...

We have been super busy working on projects around the house.  I have 4 that I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! Two of my favorite projects, are in Alexa's room.  I took our old computer desk, painted it, and then took the keyboard tray, and glued a dark purple velvety type material on it- to make it feel like a make up spot.  Alexa DIGS make up.  With her snazzy mirror, and fun make up spot . . . well she's all set.  Ignore the spot where we are missing a drawer . . . I haven't quite figured out a solution for that yet.  I have ideas . . . but nothing I love yet.  The other thing in her room that I love, are her cork boards.  I found the frames at Michael's or Hobby Lobby and then spray painted them with a purple glitter spray paint and attached plain cork boards to the back of the frames.  Anything with glitter is A okay in Alexa's book. One of my other favorite projects happened in Andrew's room.  I've seen similar ideas ...

If you live in my area, it's hard to believe that I refer to our suburb as small town. Trust me. I mean- the traffic doesn't feel small town, but it is.  It's like this: Doug is working on his 21st year teaching. All 21 years have been in the same school.  I'm working on year 19.  Twelve years have been at this school.  We live in the same community that the school we teach in is located in.  Our kids have extra curricular activities in this community.  We go to church in this same community.  We shop, eat out, and go to the doctor in this community.  It's not a completely unreasonable request that I have facetiously said I must know at least 3 generations of a family- of whoever my kids want to date. We have purposely chosen to live this way.  We love that we know our town.  Sometimes though . . . sometimes it's not always good. Say, a person takes their car to get an inspection . . . a month late.  Say that same person- was 3 m...

My first blog after weeks of silence is all about how hard my life is.  I mean- for real y'all.  I got troubles (please read this with the satire, I intend it to be!). But first- girls are so different than boys.  Or maybe, my girl is different from my boy. That's probably a more accurate statement.  See here's what happened: Alexa and I had a squabble this morning.  The black skirt she wore on Monday, wasn't clean yet (I know- what the heck?!!!  A whole day and some later, and I didn't have it washed?!  What's wrong with me?????)  Well . . . she's had a fashion crisis every morning for the last week.  I decided it was Doug's turn to deal with it- because if I had to take a guess, he doesn't even know it's been going on. (how can he not know?  Well, at the new house we have a split bedroom plan- so while he's getting ready in the morning, Alexa is clear on the other side of the house pouting/whining/ carrying on about not having clothe...

I got walloped last night by a realization: Alexa is growing up.  You're like, "Duh!  We see that in the pictures. Where have you been, Kate?!"  I don't know.  How did this happen so suddenly?! Earlier this week, I think Tuesday, I was putting Alexa to bed and as she was getting in, I said, "Where's Lovey?"  She said, "I'm not going to sleep with her, because I suck my fingers when I have her, and I'm afraid my teeth will fall out."  (Her top 2 teeth are starting to get super wiggly.  It's traumatic for her though.  Loose teeth creates a lot of drama- which makes this all the more sad).  I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head, I was like, "Yeah, right you're going to sleep without Lovey?!  Sure.  Mm-mmm."  When I went back downstairs, I got Lovey and brought it up to her, because historically she can't sleep without Lovey.  She was exhausted and she needed her sleep.  She needed Lovey- according to me...

The first week always knocks me for a loop.  It's EXHAUSTING!!!!  Why?!  I think it's several things: 1. standing all day. 2. Interacting all day. 3. Adjusting to new routines. Here are a few things from this week. 1.  I hate hate hate teaching my kids to be organized.  It requires CONSTANT reiteration.  They don't just get my brilliant plan the first day.  Their little light bulbs do not flame up with understanding, acceptance, and reverence for my brilliance.  They balk.  They gripe.  They don't want to empty their lunch boxes and put them on the counter for the next morning.  They don't want to empty out any things they don't need for the following day.  They don't want to leave their bags in a spot near the front door.  They want to leave the lunch boxes in their bags.  They want to leave the old stuff in their book bags to clutter up for another day.  They want to leave their back backs all over the ki...

My mom came to visit for a few days. She hung out with my chilruns while I went back to school. A perk of her recent retirement (although, I just want to say-I didn't ask, or insinuate- she called me & volunteered. I am no fool- I accepted).  Anyway here are a few thoughts I had while she was here: 1.  She and I flew in the house around 6:30pm one evening, and threw together our dinner. As she was at her work station and I was at mine, I thought how different cooking with a woman is. We didn't plan to work on separate recipes, but it was automatic. I didn't tell her, "Why don't you do....?" And she didn't do that with me. Somehow we never got in each other's way. Somehow it was organized, efficient, & comforting. I thought to times I've worked with my mother in law or friends. It's similar. When Doug is in the kitchen, I feel bossy, controlling, and naggy. Somehow he's always standing in the exact spot I need to be. We overlap tas...

So I thought I would do one more blog today to say, stick with me, but posting will probably spotty for the next . . . bit.  School officially starts for me tomorrow, and I just don't know what will happen. The past 2 years, the beginning of the school year has been chaotic. This year . . . fingers crossed, please don't let me jinx myself . . . well things are so far, smooth.  Chaos could happen any minute, because I forgot something super important, and it was due 2 years ago, and why the heck did I fall behind?!!!!   But right now I am not feeling chaotic. So . . . to tide us over a bit, here are a few random thoughts from my day . . . 1. Alexa got her first bee sting today.  I won't lie- I have dreaded this potential event.  She has a tendency to occasionally  react in a way that is a bit  more dramatic than is entirely necessary.  When Andrew got stung by a bee for the first time I thought he had been attacked by a mass murderer. Anyone wi...

Years ago . . . like maybe 10-15 years?  I don't know, but years ago, Doug brought some boards to our house, that came from his grandparents house.  We had reclaimed wood, before it was trendy.  It sat in a pile in a corner of the garage.  I asked what we were going to do with it, if we were ever going to do anything with it, if we could get rid of it . . . the answer was always, I don't know, and no we can't get rid of it.  Hmmm. The thing is this.  I cannot stand piles of things that aren't being used. I am not a hoarder.  I doubt I will ever be a hoarder.  Unfortunately, my kids and spouse are.  One day about 10 months ago, I became aware of the farm table trend, and the rest is history! Doug could make us a new table with the boards that were stacked in a corner in our garage.  It made me happy because the stack would go away, we would get a brilliantly cool table, and Doug would have a project.  He's always happy when I thi...

Yesterday Doug and I went to our local home improvement store to get some wood for a project we're working on.  While we were parking, I saw a family walking in.  As we approached the aisle to pick up our needed materials, that family was pushing a cart laden with several pieces of boards.  It took them all of . . . 5 minutes to pick out probably 10 boards. Also on that aisle was another gentleman, we'll call him . . . Hug.  I had observed . . . Hug since we entered the store.  He is a very handsome man.  He looks like he is probably moderately tolerant of his wife, very handy, and SMART.  His eyes shine with intelligence.  But anyway- he was so entertaining to me.  He clearly had a very discerning eye.  I mean, he looked for just the right cart. You have to figure, if he was particular about the type of cart he selected, he would probably be very selective about all other decisions in his life (I bet his wife is amazing: beautiful, sm...

Y'all I had a realization today.  I started to become aware of it yesterday, but then today . . . well it could be denied no longer.  The truth was directly in my face.  I realized I am the Weak Link.  I have always thought of myself as the hard a$$ parent.  I am the tough one.  I am The Boss. It turns out those things were only in my imagination.  In my imagination I'm the tough parent.  In my imagination I'm the hard a$$.  In my imagination I am The Boss.  In reality . . . I'm the push over. I'm the sucker.  I'm the one they come to because they know the other parent says no. I'm stunned.  Truly. All these years I've been disillusioned.  I guess because I come up with the creative consequences, and the ones that are the most punishing, I have assumed that I am the one they don't want to mess with.  Well you know what they say about assuming. Now that I am thinking about it, it turns out I am soooo much like ...

I'm not sure why, but lately I've been hearing a lot more about preppers.  You know, people who prepare for some type of extreme, large disaster.  I don't know if this presidential election is such a disaster, it's got people freaking out, or The Walking Dead has us all starting to wonder . . . "What if?", or these "know" something intuitively that the rest of don't. Whatever the reason, the Preppers are getting a lot of internet attention. Because I like to worry about things that are 75% unlikely to happen: werewolves, zombie cats, Boogey Men, etc . . . I'm going to start worrying about disasters that are kind of unlikely- although not entirely- unlikely.  I don't actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse.  I mean- what?  That's totally unlikely.  30%. . .  well maybe 65% unlikely.  Anyway . . . My disaster thoughts all started way back in February.  We were eating dinner with a couple of friends who relocated from New Or...

Sometimes when we go out in public, I see babies and I say, "Oh! I wonder if those random people, that I have NEVER seen before in my life, would let me hold their cute baby?!"  Doug always, and I mean always, rolls his eyes at me.  Like a random person is going to let me hold their baby?!!!!  I mean- really.  I wouldn't actually ask.  In this day and age, I accept the fact that would be weird, alarming, and socially unacceptable behavior.  I can't just ask people I don't know, if I could hold their baby.  No matter how squishy, adorable, and desirable that baby might be. Today, we were at a restaurant and I wondered if the random people that I have never seen before would share a bite of their delicious dessert.  My mother humored me with fantastical possibilities of how that conversation could turn out.  She thought those conversations were pretend, I was practicing for when I really did ask.  Hahaha . . hah. . . ha (I 65% considered...

We have had the most boring summer.  Which is okay.  I would WAY rather have boring, then drama and stress due to health, money, family concerns.  Boring is okay sometimes. However, coming home last night, I thought, "Man, we really needed that."  Sometimes you just need to switch up. For the past 5 summers, we have vacationed with family friends.  We didn't this summer.  Between heading up to my brother's wedding, and the new house . . . a week at the beach wasn't in the cards for us. We decided to do some camping, but then our kids sports got in our way, and camping didn't work out. However- we WOULD hang out.  Kids extra-curricular activities, mine and Alexa's squeamish-ness about all things outside, would NOT prevent us from hanging out.  Plan B, after ditching the camping idea, was to just hang out at their house.  Hours before we left to go visit, I texted, "Do we need to bring bathing suits?"  The response, "Sure.  You neve...

It's 3am. I'm wide awake.  Like wide. Awake.  If this stupid house didn't echo so badly, I would do something massively productive.  Finish a load of laundry.  Start a new painting project.  School work.  I mean, if I am going to be awake I might as well use my time.  Except, I really don't want a kid awake right now either.  It could make for a L O N G day, with one in particular. I'm not sure why I woke up.  I fell sound asleep by 10:30, possibly before Andrew did.  I wanted to see the Syrian refugees come in the Opening Ceremonies.  I wanted to watch Jimmy Fallon and Seth Rogan Lip Synch Battle on The Tonight Show .  The last country I remember seeing was Ghana, because Doug told me he was Ghana do something. Yeah, I was Ghana  do something too- snore away. About a year ago, I started having night sweats.  They started inconsistently, but the last few months it's every night. Forty is a joy y'all.  I mean...

There are days when we are knocking parenting out of the ballpark.  I mean.  We are ROCKING it!!! For example today: I took the kids to Carowinds- way to be a fun mom.  Then we stopped at an amazing- new to us- donut place.  Way to teach my kids to try things.  Then we went and brought a donut to Doug.  Way to teach kindness and generosity to others.  Then we taught Alexa that when she really gets hurt.  We don't care.  Suck it up buttercup.  Life's hard.  Ain't nobody caring when you get hurt. Doug and I were working on a the top of my farm table (it's going to be done in a few weeks- I mean- the plans said a weekend, but we want it perfect.  And perfect means s u p e r   s  l  o  w     ).  Andrew and Alexa were playing some type of game that required chasing.  They weren't in full out runs, but they were moving in a slow paced running fashion.  In fairness- they have been told A...

I LOVE peaches. Like LOOOVVEEEE peaches. I eat at least one a day between the months of June through August- minimum. Some days-like today- I eat 3....ish. Yesterday I drove to another county to get some (a good 45 minutes away) because last year they were even better than my usual produce stand. They were so juicy. Seriously, the juice ran down my arm to my elbow. They were so sweet. Like nectar from the gods, sweet. This year has been a particularly good crop. I haven't gotten a bad peach yet. If you've gotten a bad peach, did you buy it at the grocery store?  Probably. Even when they say "local" you're still getting the same batch of peaches that get sent to the unlucky regions of the country that don't get to experience the delights of a fresh South Carolina peach.  Those Georgians like to brag about their peaches- like they're known as The Peach State or something- but South Carolina peaches really are the best. Here are some of my favorite ways to ...

Let me just start by saying, I'm sorry.  This post has more cursing than I usually do.  I'm sorry.  This time they do enhance the stories, and I am not gratuitous in my use of the bad words.  Plus, I am determined to be me and portray myself as I really am.  And sometimes I use bad words. Not to my kids, and not usually in front of them, although I have slipped up a time or two. Today, I decided I would fix my mistake from when I made Alexa's blanket.  I had unfortunately sewn the wrong side- out, which meant I had to take the entire back off.  And sew it back on- with the correct side, facing out.  Did you follow all that?  Don't worry if you didn't.  You just need to know- I had to redo the most aggravating part of the project.  Because I was using fleece (that I had to take sections and sew together to fit the entire blanket), it was very stretchy.  The fabric I was sewing to- wasn't. That stupid fleece was stretching like...