A Fit, A Dinner Gripe, and the Return of the Cat
Let me just start by saying, I'm sorry. This post has more cursing than I usually do. I'm sorry. This time they do enhance the stories, and I am not gratuitous in my use of the bad words. Plus, I am determined to be me and portray myself as I really am. And sometimes I use bad words. Not to my kids, and not usually in front of them, although I have slipped up a time or two.
Today, I decided I would fix my mistake from when I made Alexa's blanket. I had unfortunately sewn the wrong side- out, which meant I had to take the entire back off. And sew it back on- with the correct side, facing out. Did you follow all that? Don't worry if you didn't. You just need to know- I had to redo the most aggravating part of the project. Because I was using fleece (that I had to take sections and sew together to fit the entire blanket), it was very stretchy. The fabric I was sewing to- wasn't. That stupid fleece was stretching like an octopus. I had it pinned and pinned and pinned. It was doing it's own damn thing. I had ripped out one whole edge twice. I was grumbling and sweating like a beast. Alexa said, "You're fixing it again?!" Doug said, "Can I help?" I said, "NO!!!! WALK AWAY!!!" I grumbled under my breath. I texted my mom, because she has sewn many an aggravating project, and I knew she would understand. She was so understanding, sensitive, and helpful, she said, "Just don't give the finished project to Alexa and say, "Here's your *%%ing blanket!" Hahahaha, that was exactly what I needed to get over myself. I was able to persevere and finish that dumb thing. I will never do that fabric combination . . . until next time.
Around 5:30pm tonight, I said to Doug, "Gah! I have to fix dinner again!" I hate fixing dinner. They want to eat it every night too! It's so uninspiring. I see friends post these delicious meals but . . . no one at my house would those delicious meals. They eat BORING food besides, what I really wanted to fix was something I saw on PioneerWoman. I said, "I really want to make this peach tart, I've been thinking about, but I can't because I should fix some lame a$$ healthy food!" (don't worry- the kids were outside. They didn't hear their mother curse or lament the miseries of a healthy dinner). Doug just laughed, and then walked away and left me to fix that lame a$$ healthy dinner all by my lonesome (spaghetti with salad).
The cat has returned. I have not seen the Prince of Darkness for weeks! The last time I saw it- it sneak attacked me during the day. I don't walk past that cat's house. I haven't for weeks. Tonight- the cat came from the opposite direction of its house and was flying across the street at me and the dog. I panicked. I started to run home- but I couldn't get there fast enough. As soon as it got within 2 feet of us, it bowed up at us. It charged me- and bowed up at me. I repeat- it came from across the street, 2 houses up AT me. I swear that cat is like one of those animals from Pet Semetary. It is possessed. I have the dog on the retractable leash- behind me and I'm standing there- watching it. I sort of "blah blah blahhhed" and waved my hands at it, but it just bowed up again. So I sort of charged at it. It didn't move. I waved my hands, charged, and whisper-shouted (it's 9:30pm, I don't want to panic the neighbors. It's not a real problem. It's a cat that stalks me, but it's not a real problem). It finally ran away . . . to my driveway. Y'all, that b*^#* laid down in my driveway and waited for me to come back home. Can you believe that?!!! I'm not even making that up. I am telling you the honest to God truth. The dog and I headed away from the Harbinger of Evil. We were rounding the corner, when I heard a rustling. Well- y'all I'm still freaking over that maniacal cat, and I'm in an area, where I heard a snake sometimes lived. It's 9:30pm and there are 3 things that rustling could be: Satan's Pet Cat, a snake, or my imagination. There's a 1:3 possibility it's my imagination. Those are not good enough odds. We headed home. When we got to my next door neighbor's- I dragged the dog, as I jetted across the yard to avoid the Antichrist, lounging and twitching its tail in my driveway. I barreled in the house, laughing and freaking out. Doug went outside to check it out- and it was gone. In all of the hubaloo, I lost the doo-hicky attached to the leash that holds the poop bags.
Andrew has assured me he'll go with me tomorrow night and keep me safe. He ain't going with me, cause there ain't no way I'm going. Doug can go. I'll hide inside. I'm brave like that.
Today, I decided I would fix my mistake from when I made Alexa's blanket. I had unfortunately sewn the wrong side- out, which meant I had to take the entire back off. And sew it back on- with the correct side, facing out. Did you follow all that? Don't worry if you didn't. You just need to know- I had to redo the most aggravating part of the project. Because I was using fleece (that I had to take sections and sew together to fit the entire blanket), it was very stretchy. The fabric I was sewing to- wasn't. That stupid fleece was stretching like an octopus. I had it pinned and pinned and pinned. It was doing it's own damn thing. I had ripped out one whole edge twice. I was grumbling and sweating like a beast. Alexa said, "You're fixing it again?!" Doug said, "Can I help?" I said, "NO!!!! WALK AWAY!!!" I grumbled under my breath. I texted my mom, because she has sewn many an aggravating project, and I knew she would understand. She was so understanding, sensitive, and helpful, she said, "Just don't give the finished project to Alexa and say, "Here's your *%%ing blanket!" Hahahaha, that was exactly what I needed to get over myself. I was able to persevere and finish that dumb thing. I will never do that fabric combination . . . until next time.
Around 5:30pm tonight, I said to Doug, "Gah! I have to fix dinner again!" I hate fixing dinner. They want to eat it every night too! It's so uninspiring. I see friends post these delicious meals but . . . no one at my house would those delicious meals. They eat BORING food besides, what I really wanted to fix was something I saw on PioneerWoman. I said, "I really want to make this peach tart, I've been thinking about, but I can't because I should fix some lame a$$ healthy food!" (don't worry- the kids were outside. They didn't hear their mother curse or lament the miseries of a healthy dinner). Doug just laughed, and then walked away and left me to fix that lame a$$ healthy dinner all by my lonesome (spaghetti with salad).
The cat has returned. I have not seen the Prince of Darkness for weeks! The last time I saw it- it sneak attacked me during the day. I don't walk past that cat's house. I haven't for weeks. Tonight- the cat came from the opposite direction of its house and was flying across the street at me and the dog. I panicked. I started to run home- but I couldn't get there fast enough. As soon as it got within 2 feet of us, it bowed up at us. It charged me- and bowed up at me. I repeat- it came from across the street, 2 houses up AT me. I swear that cat is like one of those animals from Pet Semetary. It is possessed. I have the dog on the retractable leash- behind me and I'm standing there- watching it. I sort of "blah blah blahhhed" and waved my hands at it, but it just bowed up again. So I sort of charged at it. It didn't move. I waved my hands, charged, and whisper-shouted (it's 9:30pm, I don't want to panic the neighbors. It's not a real problem. It's a cat that stalks me, but it's not a real problem). It finally ran away . . . to my driveway. Y'all, that b*^#* laid down in my driveway and waited for me to come back home. Can you believe that?!!! I'm not even making that up. I am telling you the honest to God truth. The dog and I headed away from the Harbinger of Evil. We were rounding the corner, when I heard a rustling. Well- y'all I'm still freaking over that maniacal cat, and I'm in an area, where I heard a snake sometimes lived. It's 9:30pm and there are 3 things that rustling could be: Satan's Pet Cat, a snake, or my imagination. There's a 1:3 possibility it's my imagination. Those are not good enough odds. We headed home. When we got to my next door neighbor's- I dragged the dog, as I jetted across the yard to avoid the Antichrist, lounging and twitching its tail in my driveway. I barreled in the house, laughing and freaking out. Doug went outside to check it out- and it was gone. In all of the hubaloo, I lost the doo-hicky attached to the leash that holds the poop bags.
Andrew has assured me he'll go with me tomorrow night and keep me safe. He ain't going with me, cause there ain't no way I'm going. Doug can go. I'll hide inside. I'm brave like that.
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