Solitude
I got 4 glorious hours alone this morning. This is the first time this summer, I have been without a kid. About a week ago, I had a mini-meltdown. Doug, as usual, was mystified by my meltdown. It's the same one I have every summer. He goes to work Mon-Thursday 7:30- 5:30. He travels to Raleigh, Greensboro, and FFA Camp. I'm home. 24 hours a day with kids. Never getting a chance to do my own thing, on my own terms. In some ways, this summer is worse than others because Andrew stays up late, sometimes I fall asleep before he officially goes to bed. While Andrew may be in his room watching tv, and I'm in my room reading, he frequently comes in during commercial breaks to update me on whatever insanely hilarious thing happened on the Disney comedy he's watching. That's not alone time. That's reading, with a kid coming in and interrupting me. In other ways, it's better than other summers because I do get more time with both kids being occupied and not needing direct interaction. And those moments are awesome, but it's not quite the same as an extended period of alone time.
This morning, it just worked out that someone took my place working at church camp. When she told me she was going to be there today, and tomorrow, and I could go home and get stuff done I practically ran out of the parking lot. How I appreciate her and the gift she gave me!
I ran the grocery store alone. I dashed home, and put up the groceries, and then. . . I got down to it. I turned on Pandora, and got busy working on 2 different craft projects. I sang- loudly- along to Lynard Skynyrd, not country music, Disney radio, or some other station they like, but good old Classic Rock. The dog didn't seem to mind, and there was no one to say, "mom. Mom. MOm. MOOMMM!!!!" so I would stop singing. I didn't have to stop in the middle of a craft to help anyone, or solve some crisis. I just worked. I made 2 cakes, cleaned up the mess, and kept on with my crafts . . . with no interruptions. It was glorious. I forgot what it was like to do projects by myself. I forgot how peaceful it is. How relaxing it is. How . . . necessary it is. I didn't have to wake up at 6:00am to get an uninterrupted 10 minutes alone. I didn't have to squeeze in on the craft table between Alexa's messes, or beg to have a spot. It was mine. All mine.
After I finished, I ate lunch. I didn't prepare anyone else's lunch before mine. I didn't eat mine in stages. I fixed it. I ate it. I watched a Netflix show that I LOVE, but have to watch when kids aren't around. I didn't have to fuss at anyone to stop being ugly, or remind them to take a bite. It was just me, the dog, and Netflix. Not worrying about anyone else. Just me, doing my thing.
What's funny is that, when they came home, Alexa immediately walked in the door and had a catastrophe that was long, loud, and dramatic. While I was icing the cakes, Andrew was standing so close to me that I couldn't move my arm to ice the cake, and he kept trying to stick his finger in the container, because he "just wanted a taste." Thanks to those few hours alone- those incidents didn't even bother me. I ignored both the meltdown and the space invader, because tomorrow . . . I get alone time again.
This morning, it just worked out that someone took my place working at church camp. When she told me she was going to be there today, and tomorrow, and I could go home and get stuff done I practically ran out of the parking lot. How I appreciate her and the gift she gave me!
I ran the grocery store alone. I dashed home, and put up the groceries, and then. . . I got down to it. I turned on Pandora, and got busy working on 2 different craft projects. I sang- loudly- along to Lynard Skynyrd, not country music, Disney radio, or some other station they like, but good old Classic Rock. The dog didn't seem to mind, and there was no one to say, "mom. Mom. MOm. MOOMMM!!!!" so I would stop singing. I didn't have to stop in the middle of a craft to help anyone, or solve some crisis. I just worked. I made 2 cakes, cleaned up the mess, and kept on with my crafts . . . with no interruptions. It was glorious. I forgot what it was like to do projects by myself. I forgot how peaceful it is. How relaxing it is. How . . . necessary it is. I didn't have to wake up at 6:00am to get an uninterrupted 10 minutes alone. I didn't have to squeeze in on the craft table between Alexa's messes, or beg to have a spot. It was mine. All mine.
After I finished, I ate lunch. I didn't prepare anyone else's lunch before mine. I didn't eat mine in stages. I fixed it. I ate it. I watched a Netflix show that I LOVE, but have to watch when kids aren't around. I didn't have to fuss at anyone to stop being ugly, or remind them to take a bite. It was just me, the dog, and Netflix. Not worrying about anyone else. Just me, doing my thing.
What's funny is that, when they came home, Alexa immediately walked in the door and had a catastrophe that was long, loud, and dramatic. While I was icing the cakes, Andrew was standing so close to me that I couldn't move my arm to ice the cake, and he kept trying to stick his finger in the container, because he "just wanted a taste." Thanks to those few hours alone- those incidents didn't even bother me. I ignored both the meltdown and the space invader, because tomorrow . . . I get alone time again.
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