Bad Mom
Last Tuesday, I took Andrew, Alexa, and Alexa's friend to a movie. On the way home, Andrew was making plans to get his reading done, and a chore. Alexa and her friend were making plans to play, and eat lunch. When we pulled into the driveway . . . a furor of activity overtook my house.
As we're pulling in the driveway- several of the boys from the street greeted Andrew at the car. They're chatting. The girls are chatting. There are like 7-8 chatting kids suddenly swarming around me and the front porch. I get the door open, and wouldn't you know . . . there's a dead toad on the floor in the entry way. Why? I don't know. We have had a lot of tree frogs around outside, but not sure why a toad was in my house. Thankfully one of the boys removed it. While I don't mind frogs and toads, I HATE dead . . . well, anything. I start pulling stuff out of the fridge to make the girls lunch. Andrew is . . . outside? My phone rings, I answer it. Andrew dashes in, whispers something to me, dashes out- leaves the door standing wide open. The girls are upstairs, I'm trying to think about lunch, but I'm making decisions about houses, closing dates, and minor stuff like that. Then Alexa's friend's mom walks in- because the door is standing wide open (which I am sure all houses in North Carolina in the middle of July have doors standing wide open- to cool down the outside- duh.). All the lunch stuff is on the counter. I'm still on the phone. A troop of boys runs through the house, like the Bumpus Hounds from The Christmas Story. The girls are pouting and crying because the friend is going home. The door is still wide open. I am still on the phone. There are shouts and stomping coming from upstairs, thanks to a home run someone got on the X-Box. The friend is leaving. Alexa's pouting. Thankfully someone finally closed the door. Lunch stuff is on the counter. And now that I'm off the phone- everything is suddenly calm. What in the world just happened?!! That's EVERY day.
Andrew is at FFA Camp this week. He isn't supposed to be. He lost the opportunity to do his most favorite thing in the entire world, as a consequence. A consequence that was intentional, planned, and thoughtfully warned would happen if he did "such and such" again. We made that consequence way back before Doug was gone for days upon days upon days. Before I was single parenting it for days on end, with only the hour or two of help in the evenings. Before I tried to entertain and manage two entirely different children, and figure out how to squeeze in what I wanted to do for weeks. Before I forgot how . . . I am not a good multi-child parent. I forgot how scattered, disoriented, and frazzled I get during the summer. I committed the ultimate parenting error, out of desperation. I let Andrew out of a well deserved punishment, because I needed a break. Because being home for another solid week, with no partner to relieve or help was more than I could deal with.
Just having Alexa this week has been . . . a relief. However- if it was reversed, and I just had Andrew and she was gone- it would be a relief. Just being able to focus on one kid has been . . . delightful. Constantly balancing their two ENTIRELY different interests, needs, wants, and desires is exhausting. Andrew doesn't want a routine. He slips through my routined, structured fingers. Alexa requires a routine. This week- I've had a steady routine. Healthy meals. Calmness. I've been focused on her, but I've gotten my stuff done too. Alexa has had 2 servings of fruits and vegetables everyday this week. Before Monday- it had been almost 10 days since she had a vegetable. Yep. Judge away. That's horrible. I've completely fallen apart. I am struggling. Like massively. Last week, I noticed how bratty they both were getting. Bratty is the right word too. Demanding. Ungrateful. Impatient. Rude. I had unintentionally allowed that. I have always prided myself on the fact my children- despite not eating vegetables- were well behaved, respectful, and enjoyable. Not lately.
I am not sure what I'm going to do next week, when they're both back together, but maybe I should do something different than what I've been doing because what I'm doing isn't working. It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for them.
As we're pulling in the driveway- several of the boys from the street greeted Andrew at the car. They're chatting. The girls are chatting. There are like 7-8 chatting kids suddenly swarming around me and the front porch. I get the door open, and wouldn't you know . . . there's a dead toad on the floor in the entry way. Why? I don't know. We have had a lot of tree frogs around outside, but not sure why a toad was in my house. Thankfully one of the boys removed it. While I don't mind frogs and toads, I HATE dead . . . well, anything. I start pulling stuff out of the fridge to make the girls lunch. Andrew is . . . outside? My phone rings, I answer it. Andrew dashes in, whispers something to me, dashes out- leaves the door standing wide open. The girls are upstairs, I'm trying to think about lunch, but I'm making decisions about houses, closing dates, and minor stuff like that. Then Alexa's friend's mom walks in- because the door is standing wide open (which I am sure all houses in North Carolina in the middle of July have doors standing wide open- to cool down the outside- duh.). All the lunch stuff is on the counter. I'm still on the phone. A troop of boys runs through the house, like the Bumpus Hounds from The Christmas Story. The girls are pouting and crying because the friend is going home. The door is still wide open. I am still on the phone. There are shouts and stomping coming from upstairs, thanks to a home run someone got on the X-Box. The friend is leaving. Alexa's pouting. Thankfully someone finally closed the door. Lunch stuff is on the counter. And now that I'm off the phone- everything is suddenly calm. What in the world just happened?!! That's EVERY day.
Andrew is at FFA Camp this week. He isn't supposed to be. He lost the opportunity to do his most favorite thing in the entire world, as a consequence. A consequence that was intentional, planned, and thoughtfully warned would happen if he did "such and such" again. We made that consequence way back before Doug was gone for days upon days upon days. Before I was single parenting it for days on end, with only the hour or two of help in the evenings. Before I tried to entertain and manage two entirely different children, and figure out how to squeeze in what I wanted to do for weeks. Before I forgot how . . . I am not a good multi-child parent. I forgot how scattered, disoriented, and frazzled I get during the summer. I committed the ultimate parenting error, out of desperation. I let Andrew out of a well deserved punishment, because I needed a break. Because being home for another solid week, with no partner to relieve or help was more than I could deal with.
Just having Alexa this week has been . . . a relief. However- if it was reversed, and I just had Andrew and she was gone- it would be a relief. Just being able to focus on one kid has been . . . delightful. Constantly balancing their two ENTIRELY different interests, needs, wants, and desires is exhausting. Andrew doesn't want a routine. He slips through my routined, structured fingers. Alexa requires a routine. This week- I've had a steady routine. Healthy meals. Calmness. I've been focused on her, but I've gotten my stuff done too. Alexa has had 2 servings of fruits and vegetables everyday this week. Before Monday- it had been almost 10 days since she had a vegetable. Yep. Judge away. That's horrible. I've completely fallen apart. I am struggling. Like massively. Last week, I noticed how bratty they both were getting. Bratty is the right word too. Demanding. Ungrateful. Impatient. Rude. I had unintentionally allowed that. I have always prided myself on the fact my children- despite not eating vegetables- were well behaved, respectful, and enjoyable. Not lately.
I am not sure what I'm going to do next week, when they're both back together, but maybe I should do something different than what I've been doing because what I'm doing isn't working. It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for them.
I suggest Camp Grammy for next week. Problem solved. 😘
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