A New Leash (but not on life)

There is a very friendly, kind, neighborly older gentleman who lives in my neighborhood.  He's the kind of neighbor you like to know is around because he knows all the gossip.  Who's moving, who's staying, who's got troublesome teenagers, who's got a husband in and out . . . you get it.  He's like the neighborhood watch. He's also . . . really really talkative.  Like I said, he's a very nice man, but . . . I am ashamed to say, I avoid him like the plague.   Once he gets going . . . you cannot get away, until he's updated you on all the neighborhood drama, like "Mrs. Claus is moving away, which is a good thing, because I've been mowing her lawn for the last 8 years.  I don't mind, but my wife tells me I need to start slowing down.  I don't think I do. I mean, I might be 75, but I forget and think I am 60.  That's why I walk everyday, it keeps me young.  Plus you know I go bowlin' a couple of days, and then of course, I go to the gym and see the guys.  Hey, did you know the house next door to me had somebody there the other day?  It's never going to get out of foreclosure.  So my wife and I are going traveling next week.  We got to go and see my son.  His wife- you know she's been married before- well they just had another baby.  Now they have a 13 year old (from her previous marriage) and 3 & 2 year old, and a newborn.  We just want to go see them and on the way we'll stop and see my other son, because he's getting divorced and . . . " on and on and on.  All I have to do is really nod my head a lot, and say, "oh!" or "mmmm"  Except- who has 20 minutes to sit there and listen????  Usually, well this isn't very nice of me, but if I see him when we're out in the yard- I run in and let Doug talk to him.  Yes folks, that's the kind of wife I am.  I leave Doug to listen.

So anyway, the other day I had taken Alexa with me to walk the dog.  Unfortunately, on the way back- right as we were going up the driveway- we met our Chatty Neighbor.  Since the dog was being totally anti social I sent Alexa back up the driveway with her.  I could hear Alexa bump into the house.  I heard the door slam into the refrigerator, I heard her screaming, "Gracie!!!!" I heard the scuffling. She came running back down the drive way, "Mom!!! I can't get the leash off of Gracie!!!!"  (meanwhile- Chatty Chatterson is still going . . . ) so I said, "Go ask Andrew to help you out!"  So I hear her dash back in the house (slamming the door against the refrigerator- again) and screaming, "ANDREW!!!!  I NEED HELP!!!"  (Chatty Chatterson is still talking!).  I don't know what all is happening, but there is more bumping and yelling.  Finally I get away- and find the dog's leash was totally wrapped around the kitchen table- and she had chewed herself free of it. Alexa is beside herself.  "I tried to ask Andrew for help- but he didn't come!!!!"  I go back to Andrew's room, where he is, and he looks completely clueless.  "What? I didn't hear her."  Seriously? "Dude- I was 100 feet away-you were 25 feet.  I could hear all of it!"

Well, frankly I didn't feel like jetting out that minute and getting the dog a new leash.  So I decided to wait until the next day.  Except . . . I was using a spare, non-retractable leash later that night to give the dog her final walk of the night- and she was paralyzed by . . . her nearness to me while she was attempting to take care of her private business?  I don't know, but she would squat, like she was going to go- and then just hang out there, looking tortured by her need to go, and the fact that her leash wasn't right and therefore she just couldn't go.    

Needless to say- the first thing we did the next day was buy a new leash- so the dog could go to the bathroom, and I could vow to avoid Chatty Chatterson when walking the dog!