That's Just The Way It Is
I have a student that has a personality characteristic that is not generally accepted among . . . well any society, but particularly polite society. However, whenever we try to . . . correct/change/reprimand his tendency he responds rather forcefully, "I'm a redneck and that's just the way it is!"
The second part of that response, "That's Just The Way It Is" has become a bit of a catch phrase to my class. It perfectly describes my stubborn self and . . . my stubborn son.
Today we enountered Andrew's stubborness yet again. There is one situation and one situation only in which he is a total blockhead. And when I say blockhead, I mean you might as well bash your head against a cement wall, because that's exactly what you're doing when Andrew has dug his heals in. Clothes. Since he was close to 3 he's been a complete blockhead about clothes. When he was 3 all his classmates were wearing long sleeve shirts because it was cold. Not Andrew. A friend of mine could not understand how I let him wear short sleeved shirts. She indicated I may not be my best parent self because of it. I tried to explain that even when I put short sleeves on him, he shoved them so far up his arm- they were basically short sleeved. Eventually I realized no matter what I did- he was going to wear short sleeve shirts. Then we went through the phase where he would only wear t-shirts with construction related logos on it: John Deere, Carhart, or Bob the Builder. For the last 3 years we've been in the phase, where he only wears athletic pants and NC State t-shirts. (Luckily we have friends who are generous in their hand-me-downs, so we have a never ending supply of NC State t-shirts). Two years ago we ran into a winter coat situation. He refused to wear it. It was a perfectly nice Nike winter coat. He refused to wear it. It was this situation when I realized that I may have met my match. He chose staying home as opposed to going to a football game because the choice was: wear the coat or don't go (it wasn't an unreasonable request- it was going to be really cold!). He loves going with Doug to Sun Valley football games. But he was so determined to not wear that coat- he said he wouldn't go. And he didn't cry about it either. That hurt my heart the most. Shortly after that the same friends that give us the never ending supply of NC State t-shirts, also gave us a Carhart jacket. Andrew wore that jacket everyday without an argument, until today.
Today Doug almost completely lost his mind (typically I am the one losing all my patience with the clothes situation) because it was 29 degrees and Andrew refused to wear his Carhart. In the end, I said, "Let's just get out of the house without a humungous fight! Andrew don't wear a coat! Be cold- that's fine! Have a great stinking day!!!!" And out the door we all stomped. Doug and I annoyed at Andrew for being a blockhead, Andrew annoyed that we were annoyed- and I hope a little cold.
When I picked him up this afternoon I was calm enough to try to conduct a rational conversation about this situation (plus I am not a big fan of the Carhart style- so if he doesn't want to wear it- the only thing that annoys me is that I have to buy another jacket he's willing to wear). It turns out he won't wear the jacket because he doesn't like the way it feels. Well that is certainly something I can work with! (I have noticed he has a real thing about how fabrics feel on him.) Then we began to discuss how Doug and I would like to visit another church that is a bit fancier than ours, and Andrew might need to wear khaki pants. I explained that he needed to start getting comfortable with that notion, except he trumpted me yet again when he basically said, he wasn't going to wear those kinds of clothes no matter what. So I asked him to sit in the car while I went in to get his sister, and I consulted with my 2 favorite daycare directors: "Was this worth my fight or did I need to accept defeat?" They've known Andrew his whole life and I trust their opinions as professionals and parents. And here's what they helped me to accept: while I can't stand the way he insists on dressing- he's still a good kid, good listener (most of the time), wants to please, adults like him, teachers like him, and he's kind and good to anyone (except for his sister- and she doesn't really count). So . . . Andrew- I concede. You win the clothes fight because clearly, this is just the way it is.
The second part of that response, "That's Just The Way It Is" has become a bit of a catch phrase to my class. It perfectly describes my stubborn self and . . . my stubborn son.
Today we enountered Andrew's stubborness yet again. There is one situation and one situation only in which he is a total blockhead. And when I say blockhead, I mean you might as well bash your head against a cement wall, because that's exactly what you're doing when Andrew has dug his heals in. Clothes. Since he was close to 3 he's been a complete blockhead about clothes. When he was 3 all his classmates were wearing long sleeve shirts because it was cold. Not Andrew. A friend of mine could not understand how I let him wear short sleeved shirts. She indicated I may not be my best parent self because of it. I tried to explain that even when I put short sleeves on him, he shoved them so far up his arm- they were basically short sleeved. Eventually I realized no matter what I did- he was going to wear short sleeve shirts. Then we went through the phase where he would only wear t-shirts with construction related logos on it: John Deere, Carhart, or Bob the Builder. For the last 3 years we've been in the phase, where he only wears athletic pants and NC State t-shirts. (Luckily we have friends who are generous in their hand-me-downs, so we have a never ending supply of NC State t-shirts). Two years ago we ran into a winter coat situation. He refused to wear it. It was a perfectly nice Nike winter coat. He refused to wear it. It was this situation when I realized that I may have met my match. He chose staying home as opposed to going to a football game because the choice was: wear the coat or don't go (it wasn't an unreasonable request- it was going to be really cold!). He loves going with Doug to Sun Valley football games. But he was so determined to not wear that coat- he said he wouldn't go. And he didn't cry about it either. That hurt my heart the most. Shortly after that the same friends that give us the never ending supply of NC State t-shirts, also gave us a Carhart jacket. Andrew wore that jacket everyday without an argument, until today.
Today Doug almost completely lost his mind (typically I am the one losing all my patience with the clothes situation) because it was 29 degrees and Andrew refused to wear his Carhart. In the end, I said, "Let's just get out of the house without a humungous fight! Andrew don't wear a coat! Be cold- that's fine! Have a great stinking day!!!!" And out the door we all stomped. Doug and I annoyed at Andrew for being a blockhead, Andrew annoyed that we were annoyed- and I hope a little cold.
When I picked him up this afternoon I was calm enough to try to conduct a rational conversation about this situation (plus I am not a big fan of the Carhart style- so if he doesn't want to wear it- the only thing that annoys me is that I have to buy another jacket he's willing to wear). It turns out he won't wear the jacket because he doesn't like the way it feels. Well that is certainly something I can work with! (I have noticed he has a real thing about how fabrics feel on him.) Then we began to discuss how Doug and I would like to visit another church that is a bit fancier than ours, and Andrew might need to wear khaki pants. I explained that he needed to start getting comfortable with that notion, except he trumpted me yet again when he basically said, he wasn't going to wear those kinds of clothes no matter what. So I asked him to sit in the car while I went in to get his sister, and I consulted with my 2 favorite daycare directors: "Was this worth my fight or did I need to accept defeat?" They've known Andrew his whole life and I trust their opinions as professionals and parents. And here's what they helped me to accept: while I can't stand the way he insists on dressing- he's still a good kid, good listener (most of the time), wants to please, adults like him, teachers like him, and he's kind and good to anyone (except for his sister- and she doesn't really count). So . . . Andrew- I concede. You win the clothes fight because clearly, this is just the way it is.
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