Cardio is My Learning Disability

 I may have told you a time or two- I am a special ed teacher.  I tend to work with students who have learning disabilities, ADHD, or Autism.  Occasionally I get to talk to the faculty and try to advocate for my kids. When that opportunity presents itself- I like to try to help teachers realize that areas where they struggle and how that feels . . . is how our students feel.  I think it helps people to be more empathetic.  I start this post- to say that I am NOT making light of the struggles that students or adults with special needs experience.  I have experienced something this morning- that made me go, "My God- how do people with special needs do this everyday?!  No wonder some of our kids behave the way they do!!!"

I started exercising again.  I started back in April.  One of the women I work with- has a side gig as a certified personal trainer.  I asked her- if she would be willing to help me.  I reached out to her.  She is someone I feel safe with.  I knew she'd push me and wouldn't let me be a wimp- but I knew she wouldn't scare me or yell at me.  Why didn't I just work out with YouTube videos?  Why don't you?  It sucks!  That's why.  You just start some with some random video.  It's isolating.  No one is there to push you- so if you don't want to hold a move for 10 more seconds . . . no one knows.  Sure- you're only cheating yourself, but myself wants me to quit.  Some of the people who put those videos on- are annoying.  Sometimes they're too challenging or not challenging enough.  For me . . . virtual learning exercise is not motivating or interesting.

Since it had been years since I've done any meaningful type of exercise- I started with a tutor/personal trainer.  I didn't know where to start.  Frankly exercise has changed over the years and there are terms that I don't understand and I was afraid of trying things- because I didn't understand.  For me . . . learning something new was scary and overwhelming.  

Whenever she introduced something that was a complex movement- and had two exercises in one- she had to break it down for me.  I had to say the action, do the action, say the action, do the action.  The first set of exercises wasn't about actually doing the exercise itself- it was about learning how to do the movement.  Again- she was someone I felt safe with, and she works with children who have special needs- so I wasn't self conscious necessarily, but I did laugh at myself.  I mean, step step hop is not that much of a challenge, but it is.  I still can't Electric Slide- because I can't remember the movements.  I can Cupid Shuffle- but that's because it literally tells you the dance moves in the lyrics.  For me . . . physical sequences require a LOT of processing skills.  

I have graduated from my personal trainer and moved on to group fitness.  I recently joined a gym and I LOVE it. I stick with group fitness.  I need someone telling me what to do.  I am not ready for independence. However, I wish they would write down the number of repetitions we're supposed to do at each station, or the order of exercises we're supposed to do.  I cannot remember them.  One day last week, the trainer was going through the daily plan- except it started raining and all I could concentrate on was "ooooh, look rain!!!!"  I had no idea what I was doing for 40 minutes.  I was a Grade A Wreck.  I was sloppy and confused and frustrated. The trainer gave me a lot of one to one attention- and because I was too embarrassed to tell her- I didn't know what I was doing- she demonstrated each move, but I could tell she was getting frustrated with me.  Is that how students feel- when they don't have the directions and expectations?  I do not judge her.  This is something she is passionate about- she's made it her living.  She leaves her small child to share something she loves- that's how teachers feel.  We leave our children to do something we love- we want people to work hard and flourish to show they appreciate us.  

Over the weekend- I told my family I was going to try to get up and make it to the 4:45am classes 2-3 days a week.  They laughed at me.  Understandably.  Mornings are not my jam.  Not only- am I not in a great mood, but I don't even really think well.  I move and think slow.  As long as I stick to my routine- I am okay.  If I do something outside of my routine- I have to tell myself, "Now open the door, now walk to your car, now back slowly out of the drive way- look for traffic."  I don't have to do that after the morning- my brain functions better and faster after 8am.  But I did it!!!  I have been up 3 mornings this week, been to work out at the 4:45am class.  I tend to choose strength training classes.  I hate cardio.  This morning I realized why I hate cardio.  

It has so many damn movements!!!!  We were doing this move called a "Surfer Burpee."  I had to literally think, "Back, surf, up.  Back, surf, up."  every. single. time.  Every exercise was like that!!!  (Plank, jump, up, hop hop, touch, step right, step left, hop)  We did jump rope today- I can't freaking jump rope!!!!!  Like I can't get the jump rope over my head, and jump over it without falling over.  Not to mention the whole- I had 2 babies, one was over 10 pounds fears.  There I was- half way through this accidental cardio attendance- thinking, "My God- this is how my students feel."   When I walked in- the exercises were posted, and the equipment was out- I was already feeling uncomfortable and nervous.  Then she demonstrated and I was real nervous.  Then I saw these two gifted students who were knocking it out of the park- cardio is obviously their jam and I was feeling frustrated.  But- the trainer- who last week was frustrated, helped me modify an exercise and provided a LOT of positive feedback and cheering and I made it through the end.  

Will I go back to cardio . . . not at 4:45am.  I will try it again- because it does have its purposes.  I can eat a donut now and not feel bad.