Weird Night

One of Alexa's friends called and asked if she could go home with them from school tonight (Wednesday) and then go to church with them.  I said sure.  It's after spring break- I'm practically on summer break, so yeah- come home after 8pm and no worries that we didn't get homework done and we'll be cramming it in tomorrow night.  I'm going through the motions y'all- but I'm practically on summer vacay. (I've got 8 1/2 more weeks, and like 39 actual school days . . . I've got a LOT of school to go.  Why I'm already slacking- I ain't got no clue, but it cain't be good.)

Anyway, as I left school and didn't pick up Alexa I was filled with the most bizarre feeling.  I mean . . . what if I had the day wrong?  What if it was actually Thursday?!  What if the friend's mom had an emergency and didn't pick the girls up and forgot to tell me?  What if Alexa is sitting at school going- "WHERE IS MY MOM?!!!"  Then I was thinking . . . my life without her would be so- quiet.  When I got home, Andrew was doing homework and Doug was doing schoolwork.  No one talked to me.  The boys didn't even acknowledge me, beyond, "Yo- wut up." (it wasn't even a question- because they didn't want a response).  I sat on the porch with Doug- each playing on our own device.  Eventually the boys left to go watch a high school baseball game.

I had no idea what to do with myself.  You know, we spend all this time as mom's thinking, "When I finally get alone time, I'm going to . . . . "  What?  What are you going to do?  Initially, you're going to sit around wondering, "How did this happen?"  Then you're going to think how quiet and boring things are.  Then you're going to feel a bit lost.  You're going to look around more- the options are too many and not enough.  I could do so much! I could go outside and plant some plants.  I could go walk.  I could clean my bathroom.  I could take a nap.  I could watch tv shows I don't like my kids to watch.  I can't go somewhere- I don't have quite enough time for that, plus . . . I don't actually need anything. 

Ultimately I did some yoga (that's this year's plan to get through the end of the school year: nightly yoga, diffusing essential oils that will make me happy or less stressed,  and thinking of the things I love about school).  Then I painted my toes (it's gonna be warm enough- toes will be out tomorrow).  Then I decided to blog because . . . I have time! 

Several people at school have recently been pregnant, or are newly pregnant, and while I'm excited for them, and sometimes miss the heck out of those days . . . I sure don't want to go back to that stage.  I LOVE my kids being big enough to make inappropriate jokes, or take to plays at the local community college because they're finally old enough.  I love traveling with a phone, debit card, and keys. . . and that's it.  And while I love it- I can't help but feel how weird it is. 


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