We Both Won- This Time . . .
Hahaha! I so turned the tables on ol' Andrew today. I love when I come up out of nowhere and GIT him!
First, let me say, I am widely regarded as the "soft parent." I am the easy one. They want me to find out the bad news first, so I can either take care of it, or break it to Doug easy. This cracks me up. While I am the quieter parent- I am the creative parent. My consequences last longer than Doug's lecture. But whatever. I maximize on my reputation and exploit their fears. I'm a good parent like that.
I received an email from one of Andrew's teachers today informing me he had a closed lunch (which means he had to sit by himself in silence) because he didn't turn in an assignment. Whatever- it's a stupid consequence- but he got it and life goes on. What annoyed me about it is that I asked him if he had homework. Doug asked him if he had homework. He got an attitude about it- which annoyed me, and his teacher reached out to me. I need to support her. I have gotten maybe 2 emails all year- if she took the time to email me about his behavior, it's because she's frustrated. So I should support her.
When he got in the car with me this afternoon, I lulled him into a sense of genuine interest in his day. . . "How was school? What did you . . . ? How was so-and-so? How was . . . ? What did you eat for lunch? Who did you sit next to in . . .CLOSED LUNCH?!!!" Bam! He didn't see it coming. I launched into my version of a lecture and said, "blah, blah, blah, blah . . . that's why you don't get screen time tonight."
"WHAT?! Really?!"
"Yep."
Argue, argue, negotiate . . .
"Fine. (here's where my stroke of genius kicked in). I'll give you a choice. You can either have a night with no screen time. Orrrrr you have to tell Dad, and suffer his consequences."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
"Mom . . . "
I don't remember what he said during this portion, because I was elated with my win. I did exactly what the experts suggest: I gave him a choice. I mean- his choices suck- but whatev, he gets to choose.
For the next 15 minutes he deliberated on what to do: "If I tell Dad . . . this will happen . . . but then I go without screen time." "Maybe I'll have one night without screen time from you, but like a week- if I tell Dad. You never know for sure what Dad will do!" "If I don't tell Dad, he'll notice that I'm not on screens and he'll find out anyway, and then I'll get punished again!" "OH MY GOSH! I can't. This is too hard! Just let's pretend this never happened!"
It went on and on.
At one point, Alexa pipes up with her words of wisdom, "One time when I had a reflection letter, I had to tell Dad. Mom always makes us tell Dad! It's not fair." I interjected with, "Yeah- well Dad and I are partners who parent, so we parent together. Bummer for you."
Needless to say- the decision process was the actual punishment. He ended up deciding to tell Doug. Doug fussed at him. That was it. Andrew feels like he won . . . until the next time. When he won't, or maybe he will. I like to surprise attack. It keeps them on their feet, and from becoming conditioned.
First, let me say, I am widely regarded as the "soft parent." I am the easy one. They want me to find out the bad news first, so I can either take care of it, or break it to Doug easy. This cracks me up. While I am the quieter parent- I am the creative parent. My consequences last longer than Doug's lecture. But whatever. I maximize on my reputation and exploit their fears. I'm a good parent like that.
I received an email from one of Andrew's teachers today informing me he had a closed lunch (which means he had to sit by himself in silence) because he didn't turn in an assignment. Whatever- it's a stupid consequence- but he got it and life goes on. What annoyed me about it is that I asked him if he had homework. Doug asked him if he had homework. He got an attitude about it- which annoyed me, and his teacher reached out to me. I need to support her. I have gotten maybe 2 emails all year- if she took the time to email me about his behavior, it's because she's frustrated. So I should support her.
When he got in the car with me this afternoon, I lulled him into a sense of genuine interest in his day. . . "How was school? What did you . . . ? How was so-and-so? How was . . . ? What did you eat for lunch? Who did you sit next to in . . .CLOSED LUNCH?!!!" Bam! He didn't see it coming. I launched into my version of a lecture and said, "blah, blah, blah, blah . . . that's why you don't get screen time tonight."
"WHAT?! Really?!"
"Yep."
Argue, argue, negotiate . . .
"Fine. (here's where my stroke of genius kicked in). I'll give you a choice. You can either have a night with no screen time. Orrrrr you have to tell Dad, and suffer his consequences."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
"Mom . . . "
I don't remember what he said during this portion, because I was elated with my win. I did exactly what the experts suggest: I gave him a choice. I mean- his choices suck- but whatev, he gets to choose.
For the next 15 minutes he deliberated on what to do: "If I tell Dad . . . this will happen . . . but then I go without screen time." "Maybe I'll have one night without screen time from you, but like a week- if I tell Dad. You never know for sure what Dad will do!" "If I don't tell Dad, he'll notice that I'm not on screens and he'll find out anyway, and then I'll get punished again!" "OH MY GOSH! I can't. This is too hard! Just let's pretend this never happened!"
It went on and on.
At one point, Alexa pipes up with her words of wisdom, "One time when I had a reflection letter, I had to tell Dad. Mom always makes us tell Dad! It's not fair." I interjected with, "Yeah- well Dad and I are partners who parent, so we parent together. Bummer for you."
Needless to say- the decision process was the actual punishment. He ended up deciding to tell Doug. Doug fussed at him. That was it. Andrew feels like he won . . . until the next time. When he won't, or maybe he will. I like to surprise attack. It keeps them on their feet, and from becoming conditioned.
Comments
Post a Comment