The Trouble With Trashy Love Novels
Lately, I have been reading a LOT of trashy love novels. It's the way I escape. I don't watch television trash, I read trash. It occurred to me the other night after finishing up yet another trashy love novel, that Doug was not exactly like the men featured in those books.
Last night we had a rare opportunity to go out without kids. We decided to celebrate with a little ice cream. While we driving up to the local ice cream store, we debated on whether we should get out of our car and eat on the benches, or sit in the car and gaze into each other's eyes. He did not care for that suggestion, because after those words came out of my mouth, he made a gagging sound, followed by a fart sound. I had to laugh, because little did Doug know that I have been gathering research for this blog for the last week, by rereading some of my favorite books, to prove- he ain't no trashy love novel alpha male. None of the dudes in my books respond to the loves of their lives, the mother's of their children, their soul mates, their star crossed lovers- like that.
Here's the proof that I have gathered so far- although, I can't know for sure on some of these things, I am just assuming:
1. I don't think he has nagging guilt because he's not the man I think he is.
2. I don't think his throat has ever burned with fire because he's trying not to cry at how overall awesome I am (it's probably burned with irritation, but probably not romance).
3. I don't think he has some supernatural ability to sense my presence in a public place, where I am not expected to be.
4. I have never noticed his voice going hoarse because he is overwhelmed with his love for me.
5. I don't think he's ever fallen captive to my melted chocolate eyes (of course, I have blue eyes, but you get my drift)
6. He's never just scooped me up and carried me from one room to the next because I am a damsel in distress (let's be real- he'd only carry me once, and then he'd be rigged up in some crazy chiropractic machine so he has some chance at recovering).
7. I am pretty sure he's never thought he was going to drown in his feelings for me (I think he's wanted to drown me a time or two, though).
8. I don't think I speak to the part of him that he has kept locked down tight (if I did- then he'd probably conversate more with me).
9. He has never described me as soft and warm (thankfully he's never described me as soft- I'd probably punch him in his throat!)
10. He's never said, "show me you remember our place" in reference to some mythical place that excludes anything stressful
11. He's not independently wealthy (although I wouldn't be disappointed with this if he was)
12. He does not whisper when speaks to me (he does attempt to mouth conversations to me that we don't want our children to hear- but I only catch about 10% of them, so it's really not worth his efforts. I'm a terrible lip reader)
13. He thankfully doesn't have some completely undramatic event- that he has over dramatized- to get over. (well, actually that's not true, I forgot about coaching baseball.)
So, I think we can all agree- Doug ain't no trashy love novel hero. However, I am totally fine with that. I like him just the way he is . . . mostly, except for just a few small things related to not accepting that my way is the right way every time, and he shouldn't question it. ;-)
Last night we had a rare opportunity to go out without kids. We decided to celebrate with a little ice cream. While we driving up to the local ice cream store, we debated on whether we should get out of our car and eat on the benches, or sit in the car and gaze into each other's eyes. He did not care for that suggestion, because after those words came out of my mouth, he made a gagging sound, followed by a fart sound. I had to laugh, because little did Doug know that I have been gathering research for this blog for the last week, by rereading some of my favorite books, to prove- he ain't no trashy love novel alpha male. None of the dudes in my books respond to the loves of their lives, the mother's of their children, their soul mates, their star crossed lovers- like that.
Here's the proof that I have gathered so far- although, I can't know for sure on some of these things, I am just assuming:
1. I don't think he has nagging guilt because he's not the man I think he is.
2. I don't think his throat has ever burned with fire because he's trying not to cry at how overall awesome I am (it's probably burned with irritation, but probably not romance).
3. I don't think he has some supernatural ability to sense my presence in a public place, where I am not expected to be.
4. I have never noticed his voice going hoarse because he is overwhelmed with his love for me.
5. I don't think he's ever fallen captive to my melted chocolate eyes (of course, I have blue eyes, but you get my drift)
6. He's never just scooped me up and carried me from one room to the next because I am a damsel in distress (let's be real- he'd only carry me once, and then he'd be rigged up in some crazy chiropractic machine so he has some chance at recovering).
7. I am pretty sure he's never thought he was going to drown in his feelings for me (I think he's wanted to drown me a time or two, though).
8. I don't think I speak to the part of him that he has kept locked down tight (if I did- then he'd probably conversate more with me).
9. He has never described me as soft and warm (thankfully he's never described me as soft- I'd probably punch him in his throat!)
10. He's never said, "show me you remember our place" in reference to some mythical place that excludes anything stressful
11. He's not independently wealthy (although I wouldn't be disappointed with this if he was)
12. He does not whisper when speaks to me (he does attempt to mouth conversations to me that we don't want our children to hear- but I only catch about 10% of them, so it's really not worth his efforts. I'm a terrible lip reader)
13. He thankfully doesn't have some completely undramatic event- that he has over dramatized- to get over. (well, actually that's not true, I forgot about coaching baseball.)
So, I think we can all agree- Doug ain't no trashy love novel hero. However, I am totally fine with that. I like him just the way he is . . . mostly, except for just a few small things related to not accepting that my way is the right way every time, and he shouldn't question it. ;-)
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