Providing Entertainment
You should know, I have blogs that roll through my head all the time. But it's only the really good ones that I share. Or not.
Before you read any further, you should know this blog is not going to be appropriate. At all. It is not. If you're not comfortable with talking about masturbating- stop now. If you think this topic is hilarious- read on. You're in for a . . . treat. ;-)
My parents have had a bummer week and called me to entertain them (uhhh, what could my parents and masturbating possibly be doing in a story together?! Read on, it's not scary, I promise!). I happily obliged. I entertained them with stories of their grandchildren first, and then I remembered the Special Ed teacher meeting I went to on Tuesday. I had to share that story because it's too funny and it definitely entertained them and you too.
I was not happy to be at this meeting. I mean, it was after school for one thing. The other thing is I was massively delayed in letting my dog out, and then I was going to have to dash out, eat dinner in the car, so I could get to Andrew's baseball game. While, for the most part, the meeting was boring there were moments that it was hilarious. We had an Autism specialist come speak with us. She was going to share all of her 'massive' amounts of knowledge on how to use behavior interventions with the Autistic children in our classroom (ie: criticize us and point out everything we do is wrong).
She went wrong immediately. She opened the meeting by stating, "I want you to share your scenarios with me, and we'll talk about what interventions you should use. Does anyone have one they want to share?" Well, this little lady from the special needs school (they deal with very low functioning students with lots of unusual behaviors . . . as you'll see) says, "Ahhh, yes. We have a problem with a student that tries to fondle the teachers and students. We are having trouble determining what the stimulus is for him." The specialist says, "You started with a hard one! I like it!" (seriously- no other teacher is going to be able to top this one and that's probably why no one else really bothered to share another scenario). Well, they roll through lots of possible stimuli for this kid and ultimately come up with, "It feels good. However it's not appropriate." The specialist says, in a room full of highly educated women, "We need to teach him another way to pleasure himself, because it's never good to peel your banana at school." I was rolling! She said, "Peel your banana!!!!" Who says that in a professional environment?!!!!
This lead me to thinking back on my first year teaching in my current classroom. Oh Lord was that year a crazy year. I encountered student behaviors I can promise you I never even knew existed. One particular student has left a lasting impression. We nicknamed him the Mad Masturbator. Every time we turned around . . . he was taking care of business. Sometimes it was a subtle game of pocket pool, other times it was far more obvious, and we just threw out the bean bags, because they weren't ever gonna be the same. We had a meeting with a bunch of my administrators, all of his social workers, and therapists to get a handle on this situation. It was a table full of highly educated adults. Seriously- most social workers have to have a master's degree, administrators have to have a master's degree, therapists have to have a master's degree. We were all very educated, mature adults. One of the therapists was trying to convince us that this student needed to "take care of business at school! He needed to release that pent up energy, otherwise he would suffer from blue balls! And his behavior would deteriorate." Wait, what?!!! A professional meeting and he just said. . . blue balls?!!!!!
So, back to my teacher meeting. The next day at school, I was talking with one of my assistant principals and I said, "Hey, we don't have it so bad- at least we're not getting fondled and dealing with masturbating!" She said, "yeah, it's never appropriate to jack off in school." ????? My assistant principal just said, "Jack off?"
My question to you is this, what is it about masturbating that causes anyone and everyone to a) laugh, b) and use inappropriate phrasing?!!! Seriously, how many inappropriate terms did you come up with while you read this? You know you did. Admit it. I mean, I thought it was funny enough to share the first blog I've written in a month.
Before you read any further, you should know this blog is not going to be appropriate. At all. It is not. If you're not comfortable with talking about masturbating- stop now. If you think this topic is hilarious- read on. You're in for a . . . treat. ;-)
My parents have had a bummer week and called me to entertain them (uhhh, what could my parents and masturbating possibly be doing in a story together?! Read on, it's not scary, I promise!). I happily obliged. I entertained them with stories of their grandchildren first, and then I remembered the Special Ed teacher meeting I went to on Tuesday. I had to share that story because it's too funny and it definitely entertained them and you too.
I was not happy to be at this meeting. I mean, it was after school for one thing. The other thing is I was massively delayed in letting my dog out, and then I was going to have to dash out, eat dinner in the car, so I could get to Andrew's baseball game. While, for the most part, the meeting was boring there were moments that it was hilarious. We had an Autism specialist come speak with us. She was going to share all of her 'massive' amounts of knowledge on how to use behavior interventions with the Autistic children in our classroom (ie: criticize us and point out everything we do is wrong).
She went wrong immediately. She opened the meeting by stating, "I want you to share your scenarios with me, and we'll talk about what interventions you should use. Does anyone have one they want to share?" Well, this little lady from the special needs school (they deal with very low functioning students with lots of unusual behaviors . . . as you'll see) says, "Ahhh, yes. We have a problem with a student that tries to fondle the teachers and students. We are having trouble determining what the stimulus is for him." The specialist says, "You started with a hard one! I like it!" (seriously- no other teacher is going to be able to top this one and that's probably why no one else really bothered to share another scenario). Well, they roll through lots of possible stimuli for this kid and ultimately come up with, "It feels good. However it's not appropriate." The specialist says, in a room full of highly educated women, "We need to teach him another way to pleasure himself, because it's never good to peel your banana at school." I was rolling! She said, "Peel your banana!!!!" Who says that in a professional environment?!!!!
This lead me to thinking back on my first year teaching in my current classroom. Oh Lord was that year a crazy year. I encountered student behaviors I can promise you I never even knew existed. One particular student has left a lasting impression. We nicknamed him the Mad Masturbator. Every time we turned around . . . he was taking care of business. Sometimes it was a subtle game of pocket pool, other times it was far more obvious, and we just threw out the bean bags, because they weren't ever gonna be the same. We had a meeting with a bunch of my administrators, all of his social workers, and therapists to get a handle on this situation. It was a table full of highly educated adults. Seriously- most social workers have to have a master's degree, administrators have to have a master's degree, therapists have to have a master's degree. We were all very educated, mature adults. One of the therapists was trying to convince us that this student needed to "take care of business at school! He needed to release that pent up energy, otherwise he would suffer from blue balls! And his behavior would deteriorate." Wait, what?!!! A professional meeting and he just said. . . blue balls?!!!!!
So, back to my teacher meeting. The next day at school, I was talking with one of my assistant principals and I said, "Hey, we don't have it so bad- at least we're not getting fondled and dealing with masturbating!" She said, "yeah, it's never appropriate to jack off in school." ????? My assistant principal just said, "Jack off?"
My question to you is this, what is it about masturbating that causes anyone and everyone to a) laugh, b) and use inappropriate phrasing?!!! Seriously, how many inappropriate terms did you come up with while you read this? You know you did. Admit it. I mean, I thought it was funny enough to share the first blog I've written in a month.
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