I'm Gonna Be a Glass Half Full . . . I hope.
I decided today I'm going to change my tune. I'm going to try really hard to be "the glass is half full" with Alexa. We had a bit of a rough, late afternoon. And while I was sitting on the couch, trying really hard not to lose my temper while I ignored her antics, I got to thinking, "I never say or think anything positive about Alexa." For real. How many negative Facebook posts have I made? Today, every encounter I had with an outside person commenting on something positive about her, I came back with a negative experience. The other day someone asked me, on a scale of 1- 100, how hard was Alexa, I said, "99." There was no hesitation. Andrew and Alexa were both present for that discussion. The more I talk about her negative qualities, the more she will live up to them. I'm going to practice reverse psychology- on her and myself. It's time. I mean, I started a positive behavior system with her that works- some, I need to change my mentality.
When I started thinking about it, I couldn't come up with one positive characteristic about her, besides the fact she is cute. I recently read an article about how to talk to girls and that you should never talk to them about how pretty they are. You should talk to them about their thoughts, books they've read, etc. I really liked that article. In all fairness to myself, random strangers in line behind us in the post office, grocery store, or wherever, generally look at her curls and big blue eyes and comment on those characteristics. She is cute. Today she was carrying her purse, wearing her sunglasses, and walking like she was on a catwalk. However, they start to gush and then I feel as though Andrew is feeling resentful about the big deal strangers make out of his sister, because, let's face it, she tends to be a pain in the rear. Then I feel a compulsion to point out her negative qualities, to somehow make Andrew feel better. How sick and twisted is that?! That's something one of those crazy mom's you read about does. Even more reason to stop this negative streak I'm on. The next time someone comments on how cute she is, I vow to respond, "I'm lucky that I have 2 such healthy, awesome children."
In addition to my thinking only negative things, I have also been worrying about my relationship with her as she grows up. I have no intention of being her friend until she's in her twenties. However, I won't have that relationship with her, unless I treat her childhood issues with respect. That means, consequences that are delivered- not in a temper, but that are well thought out and justified. I need to remind myself, to listen to her and not discount her feelings- no matter how much I can't stand her method of delivery.
It turns out, once I got over my negative cage, I thought of many positive qualities:
1. she's mannerful (earlier she was yelling at Andrew, "ANDREW, PLEASE STOP!!!!"
2. she's got a jokester side to her (when Doug gets up, she'll steal his seat, and then smile at him with her dimples flashing. I love that smile. It's the naughtiest smile and it makes me laugh)
3. she's well spoken (she just came and asked me where the ipad is, I told her I didn't know. She responded, "Well, I need to play SuperWhy." I found it hard to argue with how matter of fact she was.)
4. she has an amazing memory (the other day we were in Wal Mart and I was buying a watch for Andrew. She found a Dora the Explorer watch that she wanted. She put it in the cart, and then when we got home, I pretended the cashier forgot to give it to us. For 4 days she talked about that watch. 4 days! She's 3 years old, she should have forgotten about that as soon as she took a nap. I gave up and got it today.)
5. she studies things (we went to Discovery Place yesterday. She lets me demonstrate the activity, and then she does it. She tries to do it different ways too.)
6. she's mathematically oriented (one day about a month ago, she had taken all the packs of gummies out of the box and arranged the packs into 3 rows with 3 columns. I was stunned at the higher level thinking skills she demonstrated. She also counted them. It's not just memorizing 1-9, she knows that 9 objects equals an amount. She just looked at her new Dora watch and told me, "It's 8:00." It is. And with her, it could be dumb luck, or it could be she actually knew that.)
7. she can just sit. (today I took her & Andrew to my classroom. I brought her a small notebook, stickers, and scissors. She sat at a desk and entertained herself for 20 minutes. Andrew . . . had to be told constantly to chill out- play with the toys he brought)
8. she tends to roll with whatever the family is doing. If we're going to baseball, she is too. If we're hanging in the yard, ok. She doesn't try to buck the family decision- yet.
9. she will not be pushed around, by her brother or other older boys. It might be different with girls because she's not around them as much. My guess is I'll have to coach her on how to say what she means, with a nicer tone.
10. she's has mental organization. She has an order to how things go: first I'll do this, then I'll do that.
11. She's girly. Quite frankly I don't understand how she became this way and I feel at a loss sometimes, but I won't lie, I enjoy using glitter, jewels, and sparkles. I like painting her toe nails, fixing her hair, and teaching her about make up.
12. She savors her ice cream. I love to watch the way she holds her ice cream bowl. Maybe because she hardly ever gets it? I don't know, but she's a girl after my own heart when she eats it.
13. she notices EVERYTHING. (today she saw this teeny little dog in a truck. I didn't even notice the truck. Much less the dog)
14. she has well developed gross motor skills and fine motor skills- she can use scissors, ride her tricycle, run, kick, throw, hit a ball (on a tee),
She's not so bad. I'm going to stop focusing on the never ending displays of loud emotions. I'm going to focus on the good, enjoyable parts- because they do outweigh the negative. Otherwise, I really would have sold her to the gypsies by now.
When I started thinking about it, I couldn't come up with one positive characteristic about her, besides the fact she is cute. I recently read an article about how to talk to girls and that you should never talk to them about how pretty they are. You should talk to them about their thoughts, books they've read, etc. I really liked that article. In all fairness to myself, random strangers in line behind us in the post office, grocery store, or wherever, generally look at her curls and big blue eyes and comment on those characteristics. She is cute. Today she was carrying her purse, wearing her sunglasses, and walking like she was on a catwalk. However, they start to gush and then I feel as though Andrew is feeling resentful about the big deal strangers make out of his sister, because, let's face it, she tends to be a pain in the rear. Then I feel a compulsion to point out her negative qualities, to somehow make Andrew feel better. How sick and twisted is that?! That's something one of those crazy mom's you read about does. Even more reason to stop this negative streak I'm on. The next time someone comments on how cute she is, I vow to respond, "I'm lucky that I have 2 such healthy, awesome children."
In addition to my thinking only negative things, I have also been worrying about my relationship with her as she grows up. I have no intention of being her friend until she's in her twenties. However, I won't have that relationship with her, unless I treat her childhood issues with respect. That means, consequences that are delivered- not in a temper, but that are well thought out and justified. I need to remind myself, to listen to her and not discount her feelings- no matter how much I can't stand her method of delivery.
It turns out, once I got over my negative cage, I thought of many positive qualities:
1. she's mannerful (earlier she was yelling at Andrew, "ANDREW, PLEASE STOP!!!!"
2. she's got a jokester side to her (when Doug gets up, she'll steal his seat, and then smile at him with her dimples flashing. I love that smile. It's the naughtiest smile and it makes me laugh)
3. she's well spoken (she just came and asked me where the ipad is, I told her I didn't know. She responded, "Well, I need to play SuperWhy." I found it hard to argue with how matter of fact she was.)
4. she has an amazing memory (the other day we were in Wal Mart and I was buying a watch for Andrew. She found a Dora the Explorer watch that she wanted. She put it in the cart, and then when we got home, I pretended the cashier forgot to give it to us. For 4 days she talked about that watch. 4 days! She's 3 years old, she should have forgotten about that as soon as she took a nap. I gave up and got it today.)
5. she studies things (we went to Discovery Place yesterday. She lets me demonstrate the activity, and then she does it. She tries to do it different ways too.)
6. she's mathematically oriented (one day about a month ago, she had taken all the packs of gummies out of the box and arranged the packs into 3 rows with 3 columns. I was stunned at the higher level thinking skills she demonstrated. She also counted them. It's not just memorizing 1-9, she knows that 9 objects equals an amount. She just looked at her new Dora watch and told me, "It's 8:00." It is. And with her, it could be dumb luck, or it could be she actually knew that.)
7. she can just sit. (today I took her & Andrew to my classroom. I brought her a small notebook, stickers, and scissors. She sat at a desk and entertained herself for 20 minutes. Andrew . . . had to be told constantly to chill out- play with the toys he brought)
8. she tends to roll with whatever the family is doing. If we're going to baseball, she is too. If we're hanging in the yard, ok. She doesn't try to buck the family decision- yet.
9. she will not be pushed around, by her brother or other older boys. It might be different with girls because she's not around them as much. My guess is I'll have to coach her on how to say what she means, with a nicer tone.
10. she's has mental organization. She has an order to how things go: first I'll do this, then I'll do that.
11. She's girly. Quite frankly I don't understand how she became this way and I feel at a loss sometimes, but I won't lie, I enjoy using glitter, jewels, and sparkles. I like painting her toe nails, fixing her hair, and teaching her about make up.
12. She savors her ice cream. I love to watch the way she holds her ice cream bowl. Maybe because she hardly ever gets it? I don't know, but she's a girl after my own heart when she eats it.
13. she notices EVERYTHING. (today she saw this teeny little dog in a truck. I didn't even notice the truck. Much less the dog)
14. she has well developed gross motor skills and fine motor skills- she can use scissors, ride her tricycle, run, kick, throw, hit a ball (on a tee),
She's not so bad. I'm going to stop focusing on the never ending displays of loud emotions. I'm going to focus on the good, enjoyable parts- because they do outweigh the negative. Otherwise, I really would have sold her to the gypsies by now.
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