I Want . . .

Today a student delivered a present to me.  I love it!  One particular part of the gift I love is a small, simple bracelet.  Typically I do not like jewelry with words on it.  I think the words tend to be cliche'.  However, these particular words (which normally would be very cliche' to me) are a perfect mantra for me this summer.  One of my summer goals is to chill out. I don't mean lay around and do nothing, I mean, be less intense.  It's not all schedules, routines, and planning ahead.  It's not freaking out because my kids are driving me crazy with fighting, demands, and life in general.   One of the words on the bracelet is "peace."  Perfection for my summer goal.  I aim to have inner peace and tranquility.  It's a lofty goal for me, but . . . I can work on it.

I failed miserably tonight.

We went to get Andrew back from Nana's, where he's been the last couple of days.  I've missed him terribly (Doug wonders how I will leave my children for 6 days when we go to Mexico, if I missed him after only 2 days.  I'll just have to drown my loneliness in the free liquor).  Alexa has missed him even more that me.  Last night she cried.  She wanted Andrew.  It was sad, cute, and funny all at the same time.  (funny b/c I knew within minutes they'd be fighting).  This morning as soon as she woke up, she wanted to know where he was.  This afternoon she was excited to be going to get him.

Alexa has had a . . . . high maintenance personality since Day 1.  It was shocking to me.  I have struggled with it.  I was used to Doug and Andrew who required very little.  Alexa requires . . . lots.  Tonight is a perfect example of her and why I failed at inner peace.

She was bored and tired of being in the car on the way home from getting Andrew.  I had brought a tub with: legos, books, drawing materials, princesses, farm animals, etc.  It had LOTS to do.  Here is her list of demands in the hour and 15 minutes we were in the car.  (FYI- I used to think shouting demands was the most annoying thing in the world, until she made her demands as if she were a low talker.  grrrrrrr)
* I want a milkshake!
* I need my legos.
* I need my book
* I need a blanket
* I want Andrew.
* It's too sunny.
* I don't want this
* I want this
*I can't find my gate!!! I need a gate! I need my gate!!!!
      (it is at this point, I completely lost any bit of inner peace I was pretending to have, and did a dangerous  seat transition, so I could find the stupid gate and get any other weirdo request she came up with.)
* I want Andrew's pillow.
* I want Andrew's lemonade.
* Turn the volume down
* Turn the volume up
* I need the tissue box
* AHHHHH, the tissue is ripped!
* I'm gonna throw up.
* I dropped the bucket, I need the bucket.
* I don't wanna throw up
* I want my rock
* I dropped my rock in the tissue box.
* I need my fingernail cut
* I need a new tissue, this one is ripped.
* I wanna play Wheels on the Bus.
* I dropped . . .
* I want . . .

AHHHHHH!!!!!!  At one point I entertained myself by asking her unattainable, rhetorical questions.  When she would ask for . . . whatever, I would respond with things like: "Do you want a unicorn?" "Do you want a forest full of fairies?"  "Do you want a toad you'll kiss and will turn into a prince?"  "Do you want a million dollars?"

I was a hand gripping, tight shoulder and neck freak for 45 minutes!  When I get like that, I try really hard not to be snappy, not to yell, or say something I'll regret later.  At one point I looked at my wrist and saw the word "peace" and thought- I need to do some sort of meditation to get myself under control, but then Alexa made a new bizarre request and I forgot all about inner peace.  It was outer peace- keep her peaceful and the rest of us will feel peace.

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