Finally, The End of the School Year
Yikes- it's been a month since my last post! So much for my New Years Resolution. I'll get back to regularly blogging now. The end of this school year has been one of the most exhausting, in a long time. I don't know why. I told my mother at one point recently that I am too tired to even feel Mom Guilt. Y'all. That's pretty stinkin' tired, when I don't even feel bad that I am not trying to feed my family until after 7:30 and then they just get cheese and crackers because that's all I feel like attempting (also they're capable of fixing more- but they are also too tired to do more).
However- we have made it. Alexa made it through her first state standardized testing without throwing up in the trashcan that she sleeps in her bed with regularly. Andrew is officially a high school student. I just finished year 21 of teaching. I got a certificate today for years of service, and I said, "How can that be?! I'm just 29!!!!!" Aren't I? I doubt 29 year olds use as much special moisturizer on their faces as I use every night. :-)
This has been a good year overall, but there were challenges. There's a lot going on at school: construction. There are 6 adults that share an office with me due to construction happening at school. While I love these adults and how fun they are- having that many extra people around all of the time (plus the extra teachers that stop in, and the kids) makes it really hard to focus. These last few months I have had a really hard time being efficient and getting anything done. I need alone time and silence and I haven't had much between school and home. I struggled this year with one class that I really didn't enjoy going to. The students never interacted with me. They didn't talk with me, they didn't respond when called on, they were so apathetic. It was boring and I literally dreaded going. I also felt like I got told "no" a lot by teachers. Normally I try to only focus on the good actions/ kids/ events/ teachers, but these last few weeks, I had a hard time finding the positives.
Except today. We were doing a year end faculty celebration, and a teacher that I have LOVED is retiring. He pulled me to the side, and said, "I have a letter I'd like to read you." After hearing it, I asked him if he minded if I shared it- he said yes. Here's the letter he wrote me today:
For years you filled my classroom with your special children, and every year when I looked at my class list and all of the accommodations that came along with them, I was so sure that I would lose my mind trying to teach them. What really happened was your special children became my special children and instead of losing my mind to them, I lost my heart to them and for that I hate you.
You gave me hundreds of pages of I.E.P's that filled many binders. I was sure that these endless accommodations would cause me countless hours of individual lesson plans, extra work in the classroom, and extra work to take home. But, what these pages of accommodations turned out to be my book of memories that I will always treasure. And for that I hate you.
On days when I felt too tired to teach or had aches and pains and wanted to call it a day, I would look at some of these children who struggled to hold a pencil or shuffled across the floor just to throw out a piece of paper and the self pity for myself disappeared. And for that I hate you.
During my last several years of teaching, I just wanted to fly under the radar and coast through the day. However, having these children in my class, forced me to roll up my sleeves, take a long hard look at my teaching, to be positive, energetic, and creative. Thanks a lot. And for that I hate you. I was determined that every child could move mountains but these children showed me the excitement in moving small pebbles. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you for giving me so many opportunities to hate you.
Wow. He told me I made it hard for him to say no to me because maybe I'm a little scary and kind of forceful. (that's not true! I'm not scary . . . much.) He said everything I feel about my kids perfectly- I wish more teachers appreciated the struggles- no matter how much extra work the child's challenges may make for the teacher- I want the teacher to realize they can do this for the student because the pay off is so much bigger than just a test score. It will improve the kids, the teacher's, and the parent's viewpoint on life. And isn't that more rewarding than more time to sit in front of Netflix?
However- we have made it. Alexa made it through her first state standardized testing without throwing up in the trashcan that she sleeps in her bed with regularly. Andrew is officially a high school student. I just finished year 21 of teaching. I got a certificate today for years of service, and I said, "How can that be?! I'm just 29!!!!!" Aren't I? I doubt 29 year olds use as much special moisturizer on their faces as I use every night. :-)
This has been a good year overall, but there were challenges. There's a lot going on at school: construction. There are 6 adults that share an office with me due to construction happening at school. While I love these adults and how fun they are- having that many extra people around all of the time (plus the extra teachers that stop in, and the kids) makes it really hard to focus. These last few months I have had a really hard time being efficient and getting anything done. I need alone time and silence and I haven't had much between school and home. I struggled this year with one class that I really didn't enjoy going to. The students never interacted with me. They didn't talk with me, they didn't respond when called on, they were so apathetic. It was boring and I literally dreaded going. I also felt like I got told "no" a lot by teachers. Normally I try to only focus on the good actions/ kids/ events/ teachers, but these last few weeks, I had a hard time finding the positives.
Except today. We were doing a year end faculty celebration, and a teacher that I have LOVED is retiring. He pulled me to the side, and said, "I have a letter I'd like to read you." After hearing it, I asked him if he minded if I shared it- he said yes. Here's the letter he wrote me today:
For years you filled my classroom with your special children, and every year when I looked at my class list and all of the accommodations that came along with them, I was so sure that I would lose my mind trying to teach them. What really happened was your special children became my special children and instead of losing my mind to them, I lost my heart to them and for that I hate you.
You gave me hundreds of pages of I.E.P's that filled many binders. I was sure that these endless accommodations would cause me countless hours of individual lesson plans, extra work in the classroom, and extra work to take home. But, what these pages of accommodations turned out to be my book of memories that I will always treasure. And for that I hate you.
On days when I felt too tired to teach or had aches and pains and wanted to call it a day, I would look at some of these children who struggled to hold a pencil or shuffled across the floor just to throw out a piece of paper and the self pity for myself disappeared. And for that I hate you.
During my last several years of teaching, I just wanted to fly under the radar and coast through the day. However, having these children in my class, forced me to roll up my sleeves, take a long hard look at my teaching, to be positive, energetic, and creative. Thanks a lot. And for that I hate you. I was determined that every child could move mountains but these children showed me the excitement in moving small pebbles. I guess what I am trying to say is thank you for giving me so many opportunities to hate you.
Wow. He told me I made it hard for him to say no to me because maybe I'm a little scary and kind of forceful. (that's not true! I'm not scary . . . much.) He said everything I feel about my kids perfectly- I wish more teachers appreciated the struggles- no matter how much extra work the child's challenges may make for the teacher- I want the teacher to realize they can do this for the student because the pay off is so much bigger than just a test score. It will improve the kids, the teacher's, and the parent's viewpoint on life. And isn't that more rewarding than more time to sit in front of Netflix?
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