Forcing Grown Up Lessons
Alexa. Alexa. Alexa.
I tell you that girl is one independent thing. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling quite frustrated with her because I hadn't figured out her "currency." I couldn't figure out how to get her to do what I wanted her to do! I mean- I just give Andrew a look, throw a little guilt at him, and he's putty in my hands. Alexa is a whole other ball of wax. But I got her number now too.
I have to talk to her, explain my frustration or concern, ask how we can come to some sort of solution and then walk away. And wait. She almost always comes to me the following day or a few days later, and is willing to work out a solution- and usually has one. I just have to be patient and appear to let the whole thing be her idea.
For example I really needed her to stop sucking her fingers. She's sucked them since she was a teeny baby. When she was a baby I was so thankful for those fingers because she could self soothe herself- and Lord did she need to self soothe herself . . . a lot. But now she's 8. She really needs to stop, as it is possibly going to result in some dental work being done. So . . . I mentioned it one night before she was going to bed (that's a good time for talking). I just said, "Hey- you're almost 8 and it's time. This is when Grammy worked with me to stop sucking my thumb. I need you to think about some ways that I can help you to stop. Do you want to just stop? Do you want to give yourself 30 days to stop? Do you want to work towards something? What would help you to stop?" Then I kissed her on the head, told her I loved her- and left.
The following day, we were riding in the car, and she said, "I've thought about it, and I think I need to work towards something." I said, "Great! It should be something amazing!" She thought about it for a day and ultimately we came to mutually agreed upon terms, and if she did her end of the deal- she could get her ears pierced. She did great for several days, had a backslide, but when I called her out on it- she didn't give up. She stopped for 30 days and is good to go!
We went to get her ears done today. I swear I don't know which of us was more nervous. I mean- WHYYYY was I agreeing to this for her?!!! She is not exactly into pain. I mean- the other night, she had the weensiest scratch in the history of scratches and SOBBED throughout her shower. I told my friend the following day- "She is literally going to pass out and die in the chair, when she gets her ears done."
The night she sobbed in the shower over her teeny tiny scratch, I told her she needed to be sure she wanted her ears pierced. I told her it would feel like two shots going into her ears. She needed to talk to friends and make sure. If we needed to- we could figure out another reward. She deserved one! Stopping a habit is hard, especially one that she relied on for emotional support. The following morning she told me she'd have an answer for me by Friday. She assured me she wanted to do this, and so we did. She didn't even cry. Now tonight when I had to clean them . . . she was a little anxious about it . . . but no tears. Yet. Fingers crossed this situation doesn't turn into infected ears that require lots and lots of extra money, trips to the doctor, and trauma. I just want this to be a good experience that teaches her what we all need- perseverance and hard work will result in good things! Let the first time I force this lesson on her- be a positive lesson!!!!
I tell you that girl is one independent thing. At the beginning of the summer I was feeling quite frustrated with her because I hadn't figured out her "currency." I couldn't figure out how to get her to do what I wanted her to do! I mean- I just give Andrew a look, throw a little guilt at him, and he's putty in my hands. Alexa is a whole other ball of wax. But I got her number now too.
I have to talk to her, explain my frustration or concern, ask how we can come to some sort of solution and then walk away. And wait. She almost always comes to me the following day or a few days later, and is willing to work out a solution- and usually has one. I just have to be patient and appear to let the whole thing be her idea.
For example I really needed her to stop sucking her fingers. She's sucked them since she was a teeny baby. When she was a baby I was so thankful for those fingers because she could self soothe herself- and Lord did she need to self soothe herself . . . a lot. But now she's 8. She really needs to stop, as it is possibly going to result in some dental work being done. So . . . I mentioned it one night before she was going to bed (that's a good time for talking). I just said, "Hey- you're almost 8 and it's time. This is when Grammy worked with me to stop sucking my thumb. I need you to think about some ways that I can help you to stop. Do you want to just stop? Do you want to give yourself 30 days to stop? Do you want to work towards something? What would help you to stop?" Then I kissed her on the head, told her I loved her- and left.
The following day, we were riding in the car, and she said, "I've thought about it, and I think I need to work towards something." I said, "Great! It should be something amazing!" She thought about it for a day and ultimately we came to mutually agreed upon terms, and if she did her end of the deal- she could get her ears pierced. She did great for several days, had a backslide, but when I called her out on it- she didn't give up. She stopped for 30 days and is good to go!
We went to get her ears done today. I swear I don't know which of us was more nervous. I mean- WHYYYY was I agreeing to this for her?!!! She is not exactly into pain. I mean- the other night, she had the weensiest scratch in the history of scratches and SOBBED throughout her shower. I told my friend the following day- "She is literally going to pass out and die in the chair, when she gets her ears done."
The night she sobbed in the shower over her teeny tiny scratch, I told her she needed to be sure she wanted her ears pierced. I told her it would feel like two shots going into her ears. She needed to talk to friends and make sure. If we needed to- we could figure out another reward. She deserved one! Stopping a habit is hard, especially one that she relied on for emotional support. The following morning she told me she'd have an answer for me by Friday. She assured me she wanted to do this, and so we did. She didn't even cry. Now tonight when I had to clean them . . . she was a little anxious about it . . . but no tears. Yet. Fingers crossed this situation doesn't turn into infected ears that require lots and lots of extra money, trips to the doctor, and trauma. I just want this to be a good experience that teaches her what we all need- perseverance and hard work will result in good things! Let the first time I force this lesson on her- be a positive lesson!!!!
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