Tough Parenting
Parenting is sooooo soooo hard. (pretend you see me thrown, face down, on the couch, in utter defeat).
You're cruising along. Everything is great. Your kids are brilliant. They're well behaved. They're polite. They're model citizens of the world. And then. Then they're not.
I had Alexa's parent conference yesterday. It wasn't what I expected. It turns out, my sweet girl talks. Incessantly. She said, "incessantly" She's moved her seat . . . a lot. She's placed her near other students that don't talk, but then they become distracted by her excessive talking.
See here's the thing. This is true. I do not doubt what her teacher has said. Alexa does talk incessantly. I frequently find it's distracting to me. However, it's so much a part of my life, I have learned to tune it out. I have no idea how to tell her- "ZIP YOUR LIPS GIRL!" I don't want to stamp out who she is. I don't want her to feel that her thoughts have to be suppressed, or that what she thinks isn't important. But I somehow need for her to understand that she talks so much, I don't often listen. I don't know how to wade through all that she's saying to get to what's actually important. A lot of what she says is replaying conversations and what her reaction could be. All the way through the grocery store this afternoon, she was chattering away. What she was saying, was a repeat of what I said. I said, "Oooh- we almost forgot to get yogurt." Then she said, "ooh, if you forgot yogurt, I would have been like, oh no you forgot yogurt and then I wouldn't have any left in my lunch." But it went on and on as she said the same thing again, but added voices as if she was me saying I forgot yogurt, and she did her voice and on and on from one end of the grocery store to the other and then on up to the front.
Perhaps this is a creative thing? She is VERY creative. She is happiest when we work on crafts. She loves music, and often analyzes the lyrics. She enjoys dressing up and wearing make up (around the house). She loves to make up these intricate scenarios with her toys.
Anyway, back to the talking and how it's distracting the students around her. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you are) Alexa has a mother that is a special education teacher. Before I left the conference, her teacher and I had created a card to keep on Alexa's desk, and every time she talks when she's not supposed to, the teacher is going to put a tally mark. This is to make Alexa aware of how much she talks when she's not supposed to. Alexa is also supposed to bring the card home everyday so that we can talk about how much she talks.
When she got in the car today, she said she had the card. When I looked at it, it was blank. I said, "Good job!" Then I asked, "Was it hard to not talk all day?" "yes." "Do you feel proud of yourself?" "Not really." "Do you feel like I am being unfair to you?" "Yes! No one else has to have this card!" (We practiced a response for how to answer friends who asked about the card last night and this morning, so that she wouldn't feel like she needed to tell her friends and be further embarrassed). I said, "I know. I'm not your friends mother. I'm only yours. Alexa, it's important to Dad and I that you are a good example to your friends, and a good helper to your teacher. Being a good helper is not just handing out papers, or holding open doors. Being a good helper is being cooperative, a good listener, and a good example. It's hard to be a good helper, if you're distracting your friends and yourself."
Oh my heart hurts for her! I want to just throw away this dumb card and say, "It's okay. I love you! That's all that matters." Except . . . she'll be the talker. She'll be the sweet girl, that no one wants to be around because she's distracting. Her teachers won't know how amazing she is, because all they'll hear is disruption. She's so much more than that, so I'll stick with the card, but I hope she knows that my heart breaks a little bit everyday I make her do it.
You're cruising along. Everything is great. Your kids are brilliant. They're well behaved. They're polite. They're model citizens of the world. And then. Then they're not.
I had Alexa's parent conference yesterday. It wasn't what I expected. It turns out, my sweet girl talks. Incessantly. She said, "incessantly" She's moved her seat . . . a lot. She's placed her near other students that don't talk, but then they become distracted by her excessive talking.
See here's the thing. This is true. I do not doubt what her teacher has said. Alexa does talk incessantly. I frequently find it's distracting to me. However, it's so much a part of my life, I have learned to tune it out. I have no idea how to tell her- "ZIP YOUR LIPS GIRL!" I don't want to stamp out who she is. I don't want her to feel that her thoughts have to be suppressed, or that what she thinks isn't important. But I somehow need for her to understand that she talks so much, I don't often listen. I don't know how to wade through all that she's saying to get to what's actually important. A lot of what she says is replaying conversations and what her reaction could be. All the way through the grocery store this afternoon, she was chattering away. What she was saying, was a repeat of what I said. I said, "Oooh- we almost forgot to get yogurt." Then she said, "ooh, if you forgot yogurt, I would have been like, oh no you forgot yogurt and then I wouldn't have any left in my lunch." But it went on and on as she said the same thing again, but added voices as if she was me saying I forgot yogurt, and she did her voice and on and on from one end of the grocery store to the other and then on up to the front.
Perhaps this is a creative thing? She is VERY creative. She is happiest when we work on crafts. She loves music, and often analyzes the lyrics. She enjoys dressing up and wearing make up (around the house). She loves to make up these intricate scenarios with her toys.
Anyway, back to the talking and how it's distracting the students around her. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you are) Alexa has a mother that is a special education teacher. Before I left the conference, her teacher and I had created a card to keep on Alexa's desk, and every time she talks when she's not supposed to, the teacher is going to put a tally mark. This is to make Alexa aware of how much she talks when she's not supposed to. Alexa is also supposed to bring the card home everyday so that we can talk about how much she talks.
When she got in the car today, she said she had the card. When I looked at it, it was blank. I said, "Good job!" Then I asked, "Was it hard to not talk all day?" "yes." "Do you feel proud of yourself?" "Not really." "Do you feel like I am being unfair to you?" "Yes! No one else has to have this card!" (We practiced a response for how to answer friends who asked about the card last night and this morning, so that she wouldn't feel like she needed to tell her friends and be further embarrassed). I said, "I know. I'm not your friends mother. I'm only yours. Alexa, it's important to Dad and I that you are a good example to your friends, and a good helper to your teacher. Being a good helper is not just handing out papers, or holding open doors. Being a good helper is being cooperative, a good listener, and a good example. It's hard to be a good helper, if you're distracting your friends and yourself."
Oh my heart hurts for her! I want to just throw away this dumb card and say, "It's okay. I love you! That's all that matters." Except . . . she'll be the talker. She'll be the sweet girl, that no one wants to be around because she's distracting. Her teachers won't know how amazing she is, because all they'll hear is disruption. She's so much more than that, so I'll stick with the card, but I hope she knows that my heart breaks a little bit everyday I make her do it.
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