When Will I Learn?!!!

If you notice that I am more quiet than usual, just assume it's the only way I can prevent myself from eating crow, putting my foot in my mouth, etc.  Honestly!  Things always sound so much funnier in my head.  I rarely take into consideration, how it will actually sound coming out of my mouth, and in other people's heads. If only I would . . . I wouldn't feel the lingering twinge of embarrassment, or buy $30 conditioning masks for my hair.  

Here are two prime examples.

This first example, is actually funny.  I mean- I felt bad at the time, but honestly . . . it's funny.  So . . . here I was in Wal Mart looking for Nose Strips for Doug.  This is before Andrew . . . so at least 10 years ago, but possibly longer.  There was a gentleman also standing near me.  We were both intently studying the Nose Strip options.  There were many.  I was there to replace the first set I had purchased. I had purchased the wrong size.  The gentleman near me, reached for a package of size large Nose Strips.  I said, "Oh!  Don't buy those, they are for people with really big noses!!"  The man turns to me and says, "I think this is the right size for me."  I was stunned; both by my social idiocy and by the size of his nose!  He wasn't kidding.  He did need those large Nose Strips.  Honestly, when he turned me . . . all I saw was his nose turning.  Ok, that last part was a bit dramatic, but he did have a large nose and I will never forget telling him they were for people with really big noses (which- because I tend to be a dramatic person- I enunciated when I told him), and him telling me he wasn't worried about it.
 
The most recent example is funny, but I am still feeling the twinges of embarrassment, and it happened more than 24 hours ago- in an entirely other city.  Alexa and I had gone to Ulta.  In case you don't know, it is a beauty supply store, as you would expect, it is mostly directed to women, but no worries there is a more masculine section of personal hygiene products.  It's so masculine, I am sure Doug will be going there soon. NOT.  Anyway- Alexa and I were in Ulta. A man walks past us, and says, "Go Pack!"  I forgot- a) I was wearing an NC State shirt b) I was close to Raleigh- which means there are more fans than in Charlotte and c) the night before State had just won their Bowl game.  So I was stunned silent for a moment, before I realized why the man was saying that to me. When I finally put it all together, I did the Pack hand sign to him- and said, "Go Pack!" I should have just stopped there, but I couldn't.  I had to say the next statement.   See, the man was very masculine in an obviously feminine store, and I assumed that since he paid attention to football, had a masculine build, and obviously shaved his head- he would find my next statement to be very witty.  I asked him, "Did you find all your hair care products that you need?"  Let me just say, he didn't find that joke as funny as I did.  He just looked at me, like I was a weirdo.  Huh.  I felt a little foolish, so I just continued walking to the shampoo aisle I was heading towards.  And to make myself feel better, bought some really good conditioner to go with that shampoo.

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