I Have Exorcised the Demon
Okay- The exercise program had a minor setback. I tried to work through it, but . . . it was too bad. I had a sore toe. I thought it was an ingrown toenail, but now I think it was something else, something more ominous. Dangerous. Possibly . . . demonic?
When I was in college I watched The Exorcist. That is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, besides: Blair Witch Project, Scream, and The Shining. Anyway, back to The Exorcist, devil possession totally freaks me the heck out. That movie haunted me for weeks. When AMC does their Halloween horror movie promotions, I can't even see the previews for that movie. It might be like some kind of voodoo magic and possession could accidentally happen just by watching it. I don't know how it all works. The Devil is bad news, and you can't take chances.
Anyway- back to the toe. Sore toe is perhaps an inadequate description. That makes me sound like a real baby. I am not a baby. I gave birth twice- with the aid of an amazing epidural. I have gotten cavities filled- with the Novocaine. I'm clearly not a baby (obviously, because the horror movies that freak me out are probably scary to everyone). But my toe was seriously sore. It literally throbbed for several days. I tried soaking it in warm water with epson salts. I tried to open up the sore spot on the side, but it didn't work. I didn't try too hard, in all honesty. I probably needed a stiff drink to do that. Anyway- this bizarre throbbing pain, went on for a couple of days. I was wearing Crocs or no shoes because my toe was soooo sad. It was all red and swollen and super painful. Finally, on Saturday afternoon I had reached a point where I was done and I was ready to take care of this.
I went into the bathroom, grabbed a pair of finger nail clippers, soaked them in alcohol, and girded my loins. Okay- if you don't like hearing about gross things- just skip this part. If you like gross things- read on. I had a small white-ish sac on the side of my toe nail, so I used the clippers to open that up and boy when I did, I released the demon! All this yellow puss oozed out all over my toe nail. It was sooooo gross, and frankly I am kind of fascinated by it. (I've told my family all about it- more than once) After making sure all of the demonic puss was released, I washed my toe with warm soap and water, and then poured hydrogen peroxide all over it and then I slathered some antibacterial ointment on it, and within 10 minutes it was . . . . almost completely painless. Then I told Doug all about it- excessively even though he didn't want to hear about it- but he needed to hear about it (or I needed to share about it- either way it's the same thing). Today- I wore real shoes. I even exercised, and that folks, is why I got a little off track, but I'm back on track today. I just needed to "exercise" the demons (oh my gosh my puns are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
When I was in college I watched The Exorcist. That is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, besides: Blair Witch Project, Scream, and The Shining. Anyway, back to The Exorcist, devil possession totally freaks me the heck out. That movie haunted me for weeks. When AMC does their Halloween horror movie promotions, I can't even see the previews for that movie. It might be like some kind of voodoo magic and possession could accidentally happen just by watching it. I don't know how it all works. The Devil is bad news, and you can't take chances.
Anyway- back to the toe. Sore toe is perhaps an inadequate description. That makes me sound like a real baby. I am not a baby. I gave birth twice- with the aid of an amazing epidural. I have gotten cavities filled- with the Novocaine. I'm clearly not a baby (obviously, because the horror movies that freak me out are probably scary to everyone). But my toe was seriously sore. It literally throbbed for several days. I tried soaking it in warm water with epson salts. I tried to open up the sore spot on the side, but it didn't work. I didn't try too hard, in all honesty. I probably needed a stiff drink to do that. Anyway- this bizarre throbbing pain, went on for a couple of days. I was wearing Crocs or no shoes because my toe was soooo sad. It was all red and swollen and super painful. Finally, on Saturday afternoon I had reached a point where I was done and I was ready to take care of this.
I went into the bathroom, grabbed a pair of finger nail clippers, soaked them in alcohol, and girded my loins. Okay- if you don't like hearing about gross things- just skip this part. If you like gross things- read on. I had a small white-ish sac on the side of my toe nail, so I used the clippers to open that up and boy when I did, I released the demon! All this yellow puss oozed out all over my toe nail. It was sooooo gross, and frankly I am kind of fascinated by it. (I've told my family all about it- more than once) After making sure all of the demonic puss was released, I washed my toe with warm soap and water, and then poured hydrogen peroxide all over it and then I slathered some antibacterial ointment on it, and within 10 minutes it was . . . . almost completely painless. Then I told Doug all about it- excessively even though he didn't want to hear about it- but he needed to hear about it (or I needed to share about it- either way it's the same thing). Today- I wore real shoes. I even exercised, and that folks, is why I got a little off track, but I'm back on track today. I just needed to "exercise" the demons (oh my gosh my puns are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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