Do Me a Favor, Don't Drop In
I remember one time a few years into teaching, a lady I taught with said something about having a friend that was to come to her house and clean it up super fast if she died, because she didn't want anyone else to see her house. I- being young, and still single- had no concept of what she spoke of. I was baffled by how her house could be anything else but clean. I mean seriously- how hard is it to keep your house clean? How I have come to eat those words- as with many others. Let me say, I completely understand what that woman meant now. And Doug- should I perish in the night, day, or whenever- I don't care if you're frought with grief, you better channel that grief into some serious cleaning! I would be horrified if people saw what my house is like on a daily basis.
Today I was speaking with my mother and telling her a tale about Alexa. She said, "That sounds like a blog post to me!" And I said, "I don't know, it's a little embarrasing." She said, "Title it all the reasons why people shouldn't surprise you with a drop in." And as she has done on many other blogs- she inspired this one. So- here are all the reasons you shouldn't surprise us with a drop in:
1. The vacuum is never put away. It's always out and plugged in- ready to be used, but isn't. I am currently sitting at the kitchen table and grumbling about the Pop Tart crumbs I keep feeling- thanks to Andrew. Periodically thoughout a dinner meal- the vacuum will randomly come on- thanks to a certain gentleman that insists on playing with it, which makes another bigger gentleman annoyed and then there is a bit of a disagreement- every meal. And despite not liking the disagreement, I refuse to put the vacuum away- because if it's in the closet, I might use it less than I already do use it.
2. The kitchen table- no matter how hard I try- is covered in papers that I retrieved out of Andrew's bookbag. I clean the table off every evening before I go to bed and then again every morning before we leave for school. Currently there are papers from his bookbag scattered all over it.
3. You'll see the pile of AA batteries that no longer work. I cannot throw them out. I have tried. I fish them out of the trash- they must be taken to a recyling place almost 20 miles away. Yes, I am perfectly aware of how stupid it is to drive a total 40 miles to recycle batteries. I am a bizarre person- I can't help it.
4. I always have a bra hanging on my closet door knobs. Yep I just posted that. Now you know. The others are equally as embarrasing.
5. My carpet is horrifyling, nuclear waste- dirty. It needs to be cleaned sooooo badly. However, I bought an ipad and used my money for fun things. What can I say- my priorities are mixed up.
6. There are random bits of painter's tape on walls. I let Andrew hang up his artwork with painter's tape because it doesn't usually rip the paper (so when he takes it down, I can keep it on the kitchen table until I find somewhere more appropriate to store it) and it doesn't wreck the walls. The hallway is like an art gallery. I love it! It's so much cooler than the boring white walls that I had. However- sometimes the tape- just stays on the wall- even though there is not a picture under it.
7. There are spider webs on my wall. I just noticed them this morning and instead of doing anything about it- I sat down and watched The Today Show.
8. The final one. Alexa has discovered the drawer in the bathroom in which I keep my feminine products. I tried to coax her to another drawer- but she loves my drawer. She gets them out. She unwraps them. She crawls around the house with them. I find them all over the house. Right now there is one sitting in the hallway. You ask yourself why haven't I changed their location? It's the only convenient place! I can't put them in the cabinet because that has the child safety locks on it. How in the world would I operate that- while sitting on the comode?!
Doug should be glad I posted this- because it made me realize that while grumble about what a mess he and Andrew are- I have the most embarrasing mess. So- call before you come so I can, if nothing else- put the feminine products back in the drawer.
Today I was speaking with my mother and telling her a tale about Alexa. She said, "That sounds like a blog post to me!" And I said, "I don't know, it's a little embarrasing." She said, "Title it all the reasons why people shouldn't surprise you with a drop in." And as she has done on many other blogs- she inspired this one. So- here are all the reasons you shouldn't surprise us with a drop in:
1. The vacuum is never put away. It's always out and plugged in- ready to be used, but isn't. I am currently sitting at the kitchen table and grumbling about the Pop Tart crumbs I keep feeling- thanks to Andrew. Periodically thoughout a dinner meal- the vacuum will randomly come on- thanks to a certain gentleman that insists on playing with it, which makes another bigger gentleman annoyed and then there is a bit of a disagreement- every meal. And despite not liking the disagreement, I refuse to put the vacuum away- because if it's in the closet, I might use it less than I already do use it.
2. The kitchen table- no matter how hard I try- is covered in papers that I retrieved out of Andrew's bookbag. I clean the table off every evening before I go to bed and then again every morning before we leave for school. Currently there are papers from his bookbag scattered all over it.
3. You'll see the pile of AA batteries that no longer work. I cannot throw them out. I have tried. I fish them out of the trash- they must be taken to a recyling place almost 20 miles away. Yes, I am perfectly aware of how stupid it is to drive a total 40 miles to recycle batteries. I am a bizarre person- I can't help it.
4. I always have a bra hanging on my closet door knobs. Yep I just posted that. Now you know. The others are equally as embarrasing.
5. My carpet is horrifyling, nuclear waste- dirty. It needs to be cleaned sooooo badly. However, I bought an ipad and used my money for fun things. What can I say- my priorities are mixed up.
6. There are random bits of painter's tape on walls. I let Andrew hang up his artwork with painter's tape because it doesn't usually rip the paper (so when he takes it down, I can keep it on the kitchen table until I find somewhere more appropriate to store it) and it doesn't wreck the walls. The hallway is like an art gallery. I love it! It's so much cooler than the boring white walls that I had. However- sometimes the tape- just stays on the wall- even though there is not a picture under it.
7. There are spider webs on my wall. I just noticed them this morning and instead of doing anything about it- I sat down and watched The Today Show.
8. The final one. Alexa has discovered the drawer in the bathroom in which I keep my feminine products. I tried to coax her to another drawer- but she loves my drawer. She gets them out. She unwraps them. She crawls around the house with them. I find them all over the house. Right now there is one sitting in the hallway. You ask yourself why haven't I changed their location? It's the only convenient place! I can't put them in the cabinet because that has the child safety locks on it. How in the world would I operate that- while sitting on the comode?!
Doug should be glad I posted this- because it made me realize that while grumble about what a mess he and Andrew are- I have the most embarrasing mess. So- call before you come so I can, if nothing else- put the feminine products back in the drawer.
OMGoodness, Kate... This one had me dying laughing! If for nothing else then I could literally copy and paste all of them, except the last. And the ONLY reason I cannot include the last is because my daughters have grown out of carrying the darn things around the house! You REALLY should write a book and just include your blogs!
ReplyDeleteMichelle