Hydroponics

Sometimes I feel sorry for Doug.  I don't think he meant to marry a woman who has the sense of humor of a 15 year old boy, but alas he did.  I mean, the poor man just wants to have a thought provoking, serious conversation about hydroponics and I keep making marijuana jokes. 

I may or may not have told you that Doug is an agriculture teacher.  He has 3 greenhouses at his school and a shop in which he teaches teenagers how to weld, build things like lawn furniture, and the basics of plumbing and electricity (seriously- isn't he awesome?!  Who, in their right mind, would purposely put themselves in the vicinity of teenage males and power tools?!).  In his greenhouses, he grows common annuals like impatients, petunias, and begonias, nd some perennials like hostas and shasta daisys.  Plus, he grows quite a few vegetable plants- which are the best of any nursery around (one time he sold out of squash plants before I could get any- so I had to buy some from Lowes and they were the most pathetic producing plants EVER!). 

I don't know if you know what hydroponic systems are, but the gist of it is this: it's a growing system for plants that does not require soil.  Water runs constantly over the roots to provide the plants with the nutrients they need.  I think you have to add some nutrients to the water and you have to check mineral levels and stuff like that to make sure the plants are growing in a healthy environment.  Keep in mind- that is a VERY loose description.

Today after school he went to a hydroponics store in Charlotte because he is thinking about developing a hydroponics system with his students to grow . . .  lettuce  (bless Doug.  Does he really think there won't be some Sneaky McSneakerson try to grow some pot?  Really?).  When he gets home his description of the . . . employees is exactly what you would expect of dudes who work in a hydroponics shop.  He's kind of excited about all that he learned, and wants to share it with me, but I can't stop making marijuana jokes (in case you don't know, marijuana is a commonly grown 'herb' in hydroponic systems.  Why do I know this?  Because I am secretly a 15 year old boy- and that's what we know.).  For example, the first thing I asked was, "Did you get there at 4:20?  Did they stop everything and have a special ceremony?"  He just looks at me.  I know he's thinking, "Where does she get this stuff?!"  Then I asked, "Do you think the employees had partaken in any of their product?"  He maturely responds, "Kate, they may have partaken at some point in their life."  He tries to distract me with engineering talk about styrofoam (which is what you put the plants in- because the styrofoam will just float on the water- and the roots can hang out below the styrofoam in the water) and filtration systems.  But I will not be dissuaded from my immature banter.  Later he mentions that he's got a stressful night ahead of him (something about the Atlanta Braves and getting the Wild Card position in the playoffs) and I suggest he use his hydroponics system to grow something to calm him down.  He ignores me.  Then I told him, I was just preparing him for what his students would be like, except he should multiply it, because there is only one of me. 

Poor Doug, but how lucky for you?  You learned about hydroponic systems and Mary Jane all in one night!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Wedded Bliss . . . Ten Years Later

A True Artiste

Let Me Count the 13 Ways . . .