Parenting Woe
When they were infants it was so hard. We were so overwhelmed. If we held them too much, they'd be spoiled. If they slept in their crib- they'd feel abandoned. But if they slept in our bed- we could roll over and squish them. Or what if they never learned to self soothe. You think when they're older it's gonna be so much easier. It's not. It's different and still hard.
Alexa has been really struggling to manage her emotions lately. It's been driving me nuts because I know there's a reason for the emotions, but I haven't been able to figure out what. Alexa talks constantly, but she rarely says things that are indicative of what's actually going on. I have to listen carefully for patterns in her topics. It can literally take weeks to finally figure out what is up. Thankfully I made a change to her bedtime routine which led to some meaningful discussions and finally, finally, finally I figured out what's up.
Which- looking back- explains why she had a huge blow up with me one afternoon. We were discussing how the guidance counselor came to talk to the class about bullying. According to Alexa, the advice was to tell the bully, "Stop. What you're doing is really hurting my feelings." I responded poorly. Okay?! I know this. I said, "Wait. What?! Alexa, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard. Bullies don't care if your feelings are hurt. They want to hurt your feelings." Needless to say- the conversation completely deteriorated. Understandably. I have hopefully- done a better job since.
Apparently she feels like some kids in her class are giving her a hard time. Making fun of her name: "Alexa, what's the weather? Alexa, what time is it?" Stuff like that. My impression of Alexa's classroom is that it is a little bit of a rough one. My theory is that Alexa's in the "behavior" class. I don't know that- I could be way off- but some of the things she's said, make my teacher self think it is. Or- maybe elementary kids are just a rotten group?
Doug and I talked about it this morning, and she's the perfect target for stuff like this: she doesn't handle criticism well, she's innocent (the kids in her class sound rather worldly), she's a teacher pleaser, and she's sensitive. But- we've got to figure out a way for her to handle this- that she feels comfortable with- because she's in 3rd grade. She's got years of this crap ahead of her. (Middle school is going to be a nightmare with her.) I can't let her avoid it- that's not realistic. There are going to be assholes in middle school, high school, and her adult life.
The currently plan is to help her come up with come-backs and practice them. (thank God she has an annoying older brother . . . which only mystifies me as to why she's having trouble with these kids. She regularly comes up with some amazing responses to her brother, why can't she to these kids?!) Also I'm going to revisit the calm down techniques, and work on some de-stressing (I'm wondering if some of these feelings are escalated due to upcoming state testing) and spending quality time to help build her confidence and reminding her who is in her tribe at school. She has one.
Fingers crossed we get through this . . . so we can do it again next year . . . and the year after that . . . and the year after that. Lord parenting is hard.
Alexa has been really struggling to manage her emotions lately. It's been driving me nuts because I know there's a reason for the emotions, but I haven't been able to figure out what. Alexa talks constantly, but she rarely says things that are indicative of what's actually going on. I have to listen carefully for patterns in her topics. It can literally take weeks to finally figure out what is up. Thankfully I made a change to her bedtime routine which led to some meaningful discussions and finally, finally, finally I figured out what's up.
Which- looking back- explains why she had a huge blow up with me one afternoon. We were discussing how the guidance counselor came to talk to the class about bullying. According to Alexa, the advice was to tell the bully, "Stop. What you're doing is really hurting my feelings." I responded poorly. Okay?! I know this. I said, "Wait. What?! Alexa, that is literally the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard. Bullies don't care if your feelings are hurt. They want to hurt your feelings." Needless to say- the conversation completely deteriorated. Understandably. I have hopefully- done a better job since.
Apparently she feels like some kids in her class are giving her a hard time. Making fun of her name: "Alexa, what's the weather? Alexa, what time is it?" Stuff like that. My impression of Alexa's classroom is that it is a little bit of a rough one. My theory is that Alexa's in the "behavior" class. I don't know that- I could be way off- but some of the things she's said, make my teacher self think it is. Or- maybe elementary kids are just a rotten group?
Doug and I talked about it this morning, and she's the perfect target for stuff like this: she doesn't handle criticism well, she's innocent (the kids in her class sound rather worldly), she's a teacher pleaser, and she's sensitive. But- we've got to figure out a way for her to handle this- that she feels comfortable with- because she's in 3rd grade. She's got years of this crap ahead of her. (Middle school is going to be a nightmare with her.) I can't let her avoid it- that's not realistic. There are going to be assholes in middle school, high school, and her adult life.
The currently plan is to help her come up with come-backs and practice them. (thank God she has an annoying older brother . . . which only mystifies me as to why she's having trouble with these kids. She regularly comes up with some amazing responses to her brother, why can't she to these kids?!) Also I'm going to revisit the calm down techniques, and work on some de-stressing (I'm wondering if some of these feelings are escalated due to upcoming state testing) and spending quality time to help build her confidence and reminding her who is in her tribe at school. She has one.
Fingers crossed we get through this . . . so we can do it again next year . . . and the year after that . . . and the year after that. Lord parenting is hard.
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