Taser!

Because Doug teaches a bunch of high school males- I'm probably more aware of their weird physical retaliations, threats, verbal taunts than other non-teaching adult woman in my peer group. Andrew, from a young age, picked up on the terminology and used them . . . until they weren't funny anymore.  For example- when he was 3 he used to say he was "gonna drop the hammer. . . " It was hilarious, until he got mad at me for parenting him, and he told me if didn't let him do something, "he'd drop the hammer" on me.  The phrase was no longer funny, and we stopped saying it.

Now that Andrew is in 6th grade, we're adding in more verbal & physical taunts.  The current one is, "taser!"  If you don't know what a taser is, it's when a person jabs their index finger into your ribs as hard as possible and yells, "taser!"  It makes me psychotically and irrationally angry.  Just typing that description made my hands feel twitchy and I had tensed up all over.  I HATE being poked in the ribs. Despise it.  Abhor it.  Which- makes Doug and Andrew want to do it more.

This morning, Andrew was in the bathroom, and as I walked by, I bammed on the door and yelled, "Gotcha!" He came flying out of the bathroom and said, "I'm going to get you!!"  Realizing- he's male, he's 11, and that's his current m-o, I accepted the retribution I "deserved" (only in the eyes of a male though) and said, "Fine- but I would prefer a 5 star."  So that's what I got.  Plus a few shots from a Nerf gun as I passed back by him.

Wait- what's a 5 star?!  Oh- that's when you get slapped on the back with an open hand- as hard as they can.  (For the record- Andrew doesn't 5 star me very hard.  He knows better.)  Lord y'all, life with a middle school boy is super weird.  I mean- I accept physical retribution, I have weird a weird vocabulary, and I'm currently surrounded by Nerf bullets.  Sometimes, life is so weird.

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