I'm an Old Fart, or I'm Developing Some Special Characteristics
I've started this blog before and abandoned it because I didn't have enough evidence and I didn't know how to write this without people thinking I am being politically incorrect, a jerk, or insensitive. But the more I think about it, the more clear it's becoming to me. Here's my disclaimer: I am not being a jerk to anyone. I don't mean anything I say to hurt feelings.
Lately I am starting to think I am either: turning into an old fart or a Special Needs person. I am developing some very rigid personality characteristics. They say the longer you teach in the Special Needs area, the more you develop their characteristics. So maybe I'm not an old fart.
Evidence #1: For awhile at the beginning of the school year, I ate lunch in the cafeteria where I could keep an eye on my students. I have since stopped, they're high school students, they deserve independence. Although, they don't really have it because there are several administrators in there, other teachers, and the "regular" students keep an eye out on them too. (they will come let us know if my students are not making good choices. It's sort of cute that the "regular" students look out for them). So anyway, when I was eating in the cafeteria, I had this one table that I sat at. Until one day, when the man from the health department was there, using it to type up his reports. I had no idea what to do. That was my table. Where was I going to sit now? I couldn't sit at the other tables, because then I would disrupt some other kids table. You have to remember, that even though the tables were not assigned in the cafeteria, they were "yours." I stood, near the door, trying not to hover over random kids, but still keep mine in view, and fuming that the doggone health department man had so rudely taken my table!
Evidence #2: I find I am pretending to have poor social skills, in order to avoid speaking to people I don't feel like interacting with. It has nothing to do with whether I like them or not, it's simply a matter of, maybe I don't feel like talking to anyone at that moment. Good social skills suggest, you acknowledge a person if you're in a room alone with them filling your coffee cup, but now . . . I'll breeze in and out and not even establish eye contact. I am not proud of this, but I am finding it's easier to be the "weird" special ed teacher, then to be friendly. Except sometimes I am not pretending. I find that I have to remind myself what is an appropriate response to people and I feel distinctly like I am missing the mark and not doing the "right" thing. I feel that I am socially awkward. I laugh at weird things, say odd things, do unusual things. A few years ago, I was a bit socially awkward, but it was moderately amusing. Now I don't think it's amusing, I think advancing me into "that weird one" category.
Evidence #3: I used to be blunt, unconsciously. I didn't always realize that what I was saying was possibly hurtful. I wouldn't say the things I said, maliciously, I was saying them because I was stating a fact (according to me). However, now . . . well sometimes I know I am saying something possibly rude, and I don't entirely care because it should be said. Recently, a staff member came to my classroom when we were cooking and wanted some of my assistant's To Die For Candied Yams. (frankly they are absolutely to die for. Truly). This staff member said to me, as I was standing outside the classroom door, "Hey, I'm coming to get some of that woman's yams!" I stood there for a second and replied, "Shouldn't you know "that woman's" name before you come bum food off of her?" The staff member was totally taken aback. I was too. I can't believe I said that! Then I thought, "Well, hell- he needed some manners!"
Evidence #4: Earlier today I had a lot of other pieces of evidence, and I've already forgotten them. My short term memory is . . . wait, what was I saying? ;-)
Lately I am starting to think I am either: turning into an old fart or a Special Needs person. I am developing some very rigid personality characteristics. They say the longer you teach in the Special Needs area, the more you develop their characteristics. So maybe I'm not an old fart.
Evidence #1: For awhile at the beginning of the school year, I ate lunch in the cafeteria where I could keep an eye on my students. I have since stopped, they're high school students, they deserve independence. Although, they don't really have it because there are several administrators in there, other teachers, and the "regular" students keep an eye out on them too. (they will come let us know if my students are not making good choices. It's sort of cute that the "regular" students look out for them). So anyway, when I was eating in the cafeteria, I had this one table that I sat at. Until one day, when the man from the health department was there, using it to type up his reports. I had no idea what to do. That was my table. Where was I going to sit now? I couldn't sit at the other tables, because then I would disrupt some other kids table. You have to remember, that even though the tables were not assigned in the cafeteria, they were "yours." I stood, near the door, trying not to hover over random kids, but still keep mine in view, and fuming that the doggone health department man had so rudely taken my table!
Evidence #2: I find I am pretending to have poor social skills, in order to avoid speaking to people I don't feel like interacting with. It has nothing to do with whether I like them or not, it's simply a matter of, maybe I don't feel like talking to anyone at that moment. Good social skills suggest, you acknowledge a person if you're in a room alone with them filling your coffee cup, but now . . . I'll breeze in and out and not even establish eye contact. I am not proud of this, but I am finding it's easier to be the "weird" special ed teacher, then to be friendly. Except sometimes I am not pretending. I find that I have to remind myself what is an appropriate response to people and I feel distinctly like I am missing the mark and not doing the "right" thing. I feel that I am socially awkward. I laugh at weird things, say odd things, do unusual things. A few years ago, I was a bit socially awkward, but it was moderately amusing. Now I don't think it's amusing, I think advancing me into "that weird one" category.
Evidence #3: I used to be blunt, unconsciously. I didn't always realize that what I was saying was possibly hurtful. I wouldn't say the things I said, maliciously, I was saying them because I was stating a fact (according to me). However, now . . . well sometimes I know I am saying something possibly rude, and I don't entirely care because it should be said. Recently, a staff member came to my classroom when we were cooking and wanted some of my assistant's To Die For Candied Yams. (frankly they are absolutely to die for. Truly). This staff member said to me, as I was standing outside the classroom door, "Hey, I'm coming to get some of that woman's yams!" I stood there for a second and replied, "Shouldn't you know "that woman's" name before you come bum food off of her?" The staff member was totally taken aback. I was too. I can't believe I said that! Then I thought, "Well, hell- he needed some manners!"
Evidence #4: Earlier today I had a lot of other pieces of evidence, and I've already forgotten them. My short term memory is . . . wait, what was I saying? ;-)
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