All The Things I Wish

In all honesty- yes I post these blog posts, but I do this for two reasons: 1) remind myself of different parts of our life and 2) entertain myself and y'all.  Doug and I are in the process of surviving one of our kids first major injuries.  Yes- they've banged themselves up, had bruised wrists that required a brace, a sprained ankle that required a brace (that we frequently travel with- because while I love her . . . she clumsy), survived a fractured-ish foot.  Our kids had like 6-7 sets of tubes when they were toddlers.  Andrew's torn ACL/meniscus is a whole new . . . . everything.  This post is to help me remember.  Remember this event.  Remember where we started, so I'll be able to appreciate how far we've come. Remember the struggles, so the wins are so much sweeter. 

We spent all summer with him working 2 jobs and being gone about 12 hours a day, 5 days a week.  We tried to tell him he had his whole life to work . . . he might want to have fun sometimes.  He assured us work was fun.  He was almost never home- between work and friends.  I didn't love it- I missed him being around, but also accepted . . . this is normal, appropriate young adult behavior, and is preparing me for the following year.   

He started his senior year so excited about a totally normal school year . . . I mean, this kid only knows 1 semester of "normal" high school.  His 9th grade year was cut short by COVID.  His 10th grade year was part virtual, part in school. His junior year was "normal-ish" but there was the lingering COVID threat.  This year was going to be normal.  This year he was a senior.  He was on top.  He had it all figured out.  He knows what he's doing after high school.  I even let him take a PE class for fun.  (I've made him take honors classes, academic classes, and of course Ag classes.  But never PE)  He was going to play baseball.  He's played all 3 years previously- so while he felt pretty good about making the team- being a starter was his goal, he was planning to practice at a new position.  

And then his first day at baseball workouts- 3 weeks into the school year . . . he had this totally stupid accident.  The first night- after we went to Urgent Care- he struggled.  He realized how all his expectations for the year were changing, or he thought he realized.  He stayed home for several days- Doug and I coming in and out of the house all through the day.  Then we convinced him to go to school for 1 period here and there.  Doug and I felt like he needed to be at school.  He needed to be around his friends and do "normal" things.  It helped.  However . . . one thing we weren't prepared for was the anxiety of "what if someone bumped into him and knocked him over because his balance wasn't all that great" or "what if he stumbled" or "what if he's super uncomfortable?"  I haven't worried about one of my kids basic safety in this capacity . . . ever.  

The day we met with the orthopedic surgeon and found out he was going to have surgery . . . was a low day.  It was all very real.  We had been holding out hope that the injury wasn't all that bad.  Now he was having screws put in his leg.  And there was a chance they wouldn't even be able to repair the meniscus.  I let Doug and Andrew be sad that night.  This was the night they realized . . . there would be no senior baseball season.  He was written out of sports for a year.  The next day the surgery center called, the physical therapist called, a nurse called.  All of these people called us- and yet no one prepared us for what it would be like AFTER surgery.  

No one said you should have a plan for how to get him home- because he won't be able to sit in the front seat: he'll need his leg elevated and he's too tall for it to stay completely straight at all times in the front seat.  No one said "this is what coming off of anesthesia will be like . . . "  It wasn't good.  No one warned us for how slow the recovery would be.  I mean I guess we should have been able to figure it out- since he's not able to put any weight on his leg for 4 weeks.  And the whole- written out of sports for a year.  And he has physical therapy 2-3 times a week for the next 6 weeks.  Those all should have clued us in for . . . this is not going to be a walk in the park.  This is no fun spring picnic.

I wish I would have figured out how to elevate his leg best- before surgery.  I wish I would have had his bed better prepared- before we got home.  I wish I would have had a "Hey- here's what your goal should be by day 3: J/K there is no goal.  Keep him comfortable- that's the goal.  This surgery is a real bitch."  I wish I would have listened when the nurses said, "Go buy bags of peas.  They're perfect for icing."  They weren't lying.  They are absolutely perfect.  I wish there was a plan for how to help this kid shower- because it's a disaster every time.  For the most part we aren't- except for 2 times we had him actually get in the shower because we felt like some parts of his body needed to get a little water.  I've sat him in the tub- in a chair- and poured water over his head so he could wash his hair, face, and swish his pits.  But there are some parts that need to be cleaned that mom doesn't need to help with at this stage in his life.  

We're almost 10 days out from surgery- and he still relies on us to help him move his leg so he can get in and out of bed, on and off the couch, in and out of the car.  Today he has been very frustrated and is feeling like there is no progress.  Up until today I have been a huge cheerleader.  Constantly pointing out all of the progress and positives.  Literally cheering and nagging and persuading. Today I stayed silent because today I let him be mad.  Tomorrow I'll get back to cheerleading him and helping him focus on the good things.  

There has been progress!!!  The swelling has gone way down.  He is able to tighten his quad and hold it.  He can do his knee bends- and he started at being able to bend it at 34 degrees but can bend it at 67 degrees and he is able to bend it with the aid of a towel under his leg that he pulls up- and just the knee all by itself.   He can stand with his crutches for longer periods of time . . . only 5ish minutes- but still.  He is able to let his leg sit on the bed or couch- or on a bench without being elevated.  He is starting to prefer sitting with his leg not being elevated by pillows.  He is sleeping better.  Going to the bathroom is soooo much easier than it was the first few days after surgery.  

I am starting to notice things like: napping throughout the day makes for bad nights, so I don't let him nap anymore.  I also know that he needs to consistently get up through the day- otherwise he's super stiff and his leg throbs.  I know that he sleeps best- when he has gotten out of the house.  We have attempted outings.  He went to the football game the other night.  We had a wheelchair that would elevate his leg.  Our goal was 1 quarter- he stayed for the whole game.  He got to see friends- and talk to people.  He went to a friends' house and watched part of the NC State game.  That didn't go quite as well as the football game.  I'm not exactly sure why- he hasn't communicated with me about it.  My theory is- he didn't want to look high maintenance in front of his friends- and so he attempted to "rough" it and didn't properly elevate his leg or let anyone help him, so he was uncomfortable.  Unfortunately- he is high maintenance right now.  Real high maintenance.  The other day he was asking me to move his leg- because we didn't get it just right and I asked him if he wanted a Pumpkin Spice Latte too.  LOL  Today we went to an ice cream/farm place for about 30 minutes.  The fresh air seems to be a big mood enhancer as well.  

Yes- this has been a stinker.  And today has been a bad day- attitude wise.  Our nerves about . . . . re-injuring his knee are . . . bordering on anxiety.  Showering stresses all of us.  Him getting around the house requires me keeping my ears ready and eyes on him.  We're going to have him go to school on Tuesday . . . but just thinking about him getting around the building is already making my head hurt and my stomach clench.  

Even though this isn't ideal- there are positives: he's kept up with his classes.  We have laughed a LOT.  Coming out of anesthesia has given us some super fun laughs and family jokes.  Spending time all together is a gift I am fully aware of after this summer- and knowing that on the horizon he's leaving for college. His friends have come to visit.  And one of his favorite teachers has sent him presents and brought him lunch.  He has gotten cards and gifts- so he knows he's loved.  

In a few months we won't even remember this part of the recovery.  And in a few years- we won't even think about this time in his life.  Hopefully we can keep focusing on positives and gains and keep heading in that direction.