A Mystery For Sure
Kids. They're a total mystery. You think you have a handle on them, everything is going just like it should, when out of a nowhere . . . BAM! Crisis!!!!!
I assumed Alexa would be the difficult one. The hard one. The one that required more parenting. And she's certainly had her moments, but frankly when it comes to discipline. . . she's not all that hard. I just have to tell her I'm disappointed and make a sad face at her and . . . "BLAHHHHHH" it's tears, and throwing herself down on the nearest object (or floor) and then we kiss and hug and it's over- (I am fully prepared for this to change). Not Andrew. His has to build and build and build and then suddenly it all has to come to a ginormous head, and I have to be Psycho Mom, with my guns blazing, handing out over- the- top, harsh punishments.
Here's the situation. For the past year we've been dealing with Andrew not applying himself like he should and could in school. It's enormously frustrating. We've been doing minor consequences, rewards, and LOTS of lecturing. Doug takes the "Loud Lecture" Road, and I take the "Reasonable,"I'm Disappointed," You Can Do Better" Road- until I don't. I don't exit in a gradual way, there are no warning signals given, I just take a flying leap onto the "Crazy Town Road."
A few weeks ago, I told him that if things didn't change, I would take basketball away from him. Let me say that, I did not want to actually do that consequence, however . . . if you say it . . . you have to do it. I try really hard not to say consequences that I have no intention of following through on. And with Andrew's hard headed self, I have to be willing to follow through. It hurts my heart for him to miss basketball. He loves it. I love watching him play. It makes me laugh because he's one of the smaller players, and yet . . . he's so aggressive! Which is so out of character for him. Basketball is like when his alter-ego comes out. It makes me laugh. Another reason why I don't actually want to take this away from him is, he has a LOT of pent up energy. If he doesn't have this outlet, his new energy release is going to be "Annoy My Sister." Which really means, "Annoy My Mother." While I didn't want to take it away from him, I also knew I needed to get his attention, and so basketball just might be the ticket.
Unfortunately . . . his grades have not improved and so . . . yesterday I took basketball away. He was upset (lots of sad crying- not mad crying. There is a difference), but for the most part, he accepted it. He's always been like this. I'd issue a warning that if this continued, this would happen. And after the consequence was issued, he always seemed somewhat relieved, or matter of fact about it. I never get big fits or arguing. I get . . . acceptance. (believe me- it sounds glorious, but NOTHING can take the wind of your mad sails faster, than a kid accepting a harsh punishment with maturity.)
Today, after I picked him up, we were discussing the tests and quizzes he took, and he says he's glad I picked him up because Dad is still mad at him. This had me totally stumped. Because Doug was the calm, reasonable parent last night. I was the MAD parent last night. I issued all of the punishments (there were a LOT because in addition to the grade situation, he decided to throw in some lying about his care for his personal hygiene too- which is when I really lost my cool). They were harsh punishments: no basketball, no baseball team party, and no trick or treating (that one was thanks to the lying). How I got to be the good guy . . . I don't know. When I pointed out the fact that I was in fact, the crazy parent last night, he said, "Yeah, but you don't seem mad at me anymore. Dad still is." Again- huh? You haven't seed Dad since 7:30am, how do you know Dad is mad at you? Well, I won't lie- that whole thing set me aback. I was enjoying my, apparently imagined, status as the unbalanced Ninja parent, who came out of nowhere with tough punishments. I enjoyed thinking I was tough and he wasn't going to get anything over on ME, I am the bomb! Turns out- Doug still has the reputation as the tough parent!
So, not only is this whole thing a mystery about how to deal with kids, but also, what does a girl have to do, to be considered the tough parent?!!!
I assumed Alexa would be the difficult one. The hard one. The one that required more parenting. And she's certainly had her moments, but frankly when it comes to discipline. . . she's not all that hard. I just have to tell her I'm disappointed and make a sad face at her and . . . "BLAHHHHHH" it's tears, and throwing herself down on the nearest object (or floor) and then we kiss and hug and it's over- (I am fully prepared for this to change). Not Andrew. His has to build and build and build and then suddenly it all has to come to a ginormous head, and I have to be Psycho Mom, with my guns blazing, handing out over- the- top, harsh punishments.
Here's the situation. For the past year we've been dealing with Andrew not applying himself like he should and could in school. It's enormously frustrating. We've been doing minor consequences, rewards, and LOTS of lecturing. Doug takes the "Loud Lecture" Road, and I take the "Reasonable,"I'm Disappointed," You Can Do Better" Road- until I don't. I don't exit in a gradual way, there are no warning signals given, I just take a flying leap onto the "Crazy Town Road."
A few weeks ago, I told him that if things didn't change, I would take basketball away from him. Let me say that, I did not want to actually do that consequence, however . . . if you say it . . . you have to do it. I try really hard not to say consequences that I have no intention of following through on. And with Andrew's hard headed self, I have to be willing to follow through. It hurts my heart for him to miss basketball. He loves it. I love watching him play. It makes me laugh because he's one of the smaller players, and yet . . . he's so aggressive! Which is so out of character for him. Basketball is like when his alter-ego comes out. It makes me laugh. Another reason why I don't actually want to take this away from him is, he has a LOT of pent up energy. If he doesn't have this outlet, his new energy release is going to be "Annoy My Sister." Which really means, "Annoy My Mother." While I didn't want to take it away from him, I also knew I needed to get his attention, and so basketball just might be the ticket.
Unfortunately . . . his grades have not improved and so . . . yesterday I took basketball away. He was upset (lots of sad crying- not mad crying. There is a difference), but for the most part, he accepted it. He's always been like this. I'd issue a warning that if this continued, this would happen. And after the consequence was issued, he always seemed somewhat relieved, or matter of fact about it. I never get big fits or arguing. I get . . . acceptance. (believe me- it sounds glorious, but NOTHING can take the wind of your mad sails faster, than a kid accepting a harsh punishment with maturity.)
Today, after I picked him up, we were discussing the tests and quizzes he took, and he says he's glad I picked him up because Dad is still mad at him. This had me totally stumped. Because Doug was the calm, reasonable parent last night. I was the MAD parent last night. I issued all of the punishments (there were a LOT because in addition to the grade situation, he decided to throw in some lying about his care for his personal hygiene too- which is when I really lost my cool). They were harsh punishments: no basketball, no baseball team party, and no trick or treating (that one was thanks to the lying). How I got to be the good guy . . . I don't know. When I pointed out the fact that I was in fact, the crazy parent last night, he said, "Yeah, but you don't seem mad at me anymore. Dad still is." Again- huh? You haven't seed Dad since 7:30am, how do you know Dad is mad at you? Well, I won't lie- that whole thing set me aback. I was enjoying my, apparently imagined, status as the unbalanced Ninja parent, who came out of nowhere with tough punishments. I enjoyed thinking I was tough and he wasn't going to get anything over on ME, I am the bomb! Turns out- Doug still has the reputation as the tough parent!
So, not only is this whole thing a mystery about how to deal with kids, but also, what does a girl have to do, to be considered the tough parent?!!!
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