Neighborhood Kids
I was watching NCIS one night this week and a character on the episode was complaining about the fact that kids don't get to have unsupervised play time anymore. I have no idea what the rest of the episode was about, but I remember that line. It's true. Which is good and bad.
Once baseball was over this summer, Andrew became depressed. He didn't have exposure to constant friends. He was stuck with sporadic play dates with friends, and me and his sister. (I'm pretty sure Alexa and I are not all that fun to an 8 year old boy). Then one evening, there were some kids having races up and down our street. We knew about the kids, but quite frankly my previous experiences with them were odd and as a result, I have not encouraged a friendship.
The first time we met them was when Andrew was 4 years old. Randomly one afternoon, this boy shows up in our driveway wanting to play. Turns out he lived on our street. So, Andrew and this boy played in the yard, and then drifted inside. His mother came by while they were still in the yard, introduced herself and then said, "Hey, do you mind, I'm going to go to the grocery store?" and left. Ahhhhh, I found that very bizarre. That lady didn't even KNOW us! For all she knew we were crazed, psychos and she just left her 4 year old with us! She came back an hour and a half later and collected her kid. Oh yeah, she also mentioned that her older son and husband were home sick with the H1N1 virus. What?! Who drops off their kid with strangers, when their family has a highly contagious virus?!!!!!!! That was the last time Andrew "hung" out with that kid.
So, this summer that kid, his brother, and a few others, were racing up and down the street (we live on a cul-de-sac, off of a cul-de-sac, so there is not a lot of traffic), Andrew drifted down and just like that, the kids were constant figures in and out of our house. I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I had NO idea what some of their parents look like, or even which house they lived in. (clearly we don't live on a street where we're all close and have street parties and junk like that). I tried to go with Andrew's feelings on them. When the kids would leave, I'd try to quiz Andrew, attempting to be all nonchalant about it. I'd ask him, if he liked them, felt safe, did they use bad words, were they nice, etc. I tried to go with the facts I could see: they were polite, nice to Alexa, and nice to Andrew's stuff. I feel like those 3 things are pretty good judges of character. The kids were pretty nice and all was ok, except for one thing. One of the kids apparently has some bladder issues and had 2 accidents- thankfully the carpets and Andrew's bed were not "harmed," but I was really put off. It's one thing to clean up a toddler's accident, but an 8 year old's that you don't even know what his parents look like or where they live? No thanks. I mentioned to Andrew that maybe that kid could be a friend he played with outside. I didn't want to cast judgement or make the kid a weirdo, but there was a new rule: Andrew was NOT allowed in that kid's house, and that kid wasn't really welcome IN our house.
I won't lie, I have struggled with this neighborhood kid situation a lot. First, I never see the parents. I have exchanged numbers with one mom. This particular parent- while I have only seen once, I have been pleased with the things she's fed Andrew when he's eaten there (lots of fruits and veggies), which is not a lot to go on, but it's all I've got. However, her kids have a lot of freedom that Andrew does not have. One of our other rules is: Andrew cannot leave our street. Unfortunately, this rule seems to have greatly reduced the amount of time his 2 favorite kids have come around. (Andrew doesn't seem bothered by this.) Second, I'm having to trust Andrew. Putting faith in a spastic 8 year old boy, who has up to this point, had a very controlled environment is frightening, but I'll be honest, I continue to be impressed with Andrew. Yesterday we were coming home, and he saw a couple of the kids and said, "OH NO! Tell them I can't play!" I was surprised. He hadn't played with them for a couple of days, I knew he missed them, so why didn't he want to play. His explanation: "That one kid makes me uncomfortable." I talked to him about it later, and couldn't quite figure out why, but if Andrew said that kid made him uncomfortable- good enough for me. I like how he handled the situation, that he was honest, and that he listens to his inner voice. Third, while the 2 favorite kids have good manners, and decent social skills, some of these other kids . . . For example, today I was eating a late lunch. I had some strawberries on my plate. This kid came up and took the strawberry off my plate!!!!!! I hope I didn't embarrass Andrew with my response, but I said, "No!" The kid responded, "Why? I like them!" I responded, "When you are a guest in someone's house, you should either wait to be offered something, or ask, "May I please . . . " The kid stood there stunned. Clearly he had never been taught manners in his life, or maybe no one's ever talked to him like that (this is the same kid with the bladder issues). It took him several seconds, but eventually, he said, "Can I please have a strawberry?" "Sure!" I can't imagine Andrew or even Alexa, ever doing such a thing. I mean- maybe to a grandparent or his parents . . . but in a friend's house?!!!! I would be so embarrassed!
All I can do with this situation is chock it up to, experience. This is when Andrew figures out what he's ok with. I just hope that his experiences are not anything we can't "undo." Plus, I'm trying to make my house the fun house with the good food, drinks, and snacks (because if they're at my house- I can keep an eye out).
Once baseball was over this summer, Andrew became depressed. He didn't have exposure to constant friends. He was stuck with sporadic play dates with friends, and me and his sister. (I'm pretty sure Alexa and I are not all that fun to an 8 year old boy). Then one evening, there were some kids having races up and down our street. We knew about the kids, but quite frankly my previous experiences with them were odd and as a result, I have not encouraged a friendship.
The first time we met them was when Andrew was 4 years old. Randomly one afternoon, this boy shows up in our driveway wanting to play. Turns out he lived on our street. So, Andrew and this boy played in the yard, and then drifted inside. His mother came by while they were still in the yard, introduced herself and then said, "Hey, do you mind, I'm going to go to the grocery store?" and left. Ahhhhh, I found that very bizarre. That lady didn't even KNOW us! For all she knew we were crazed, psychos and she just left her 4 year old with us! She came back an hour and a half later and collected her kid. Oh yeah, she also mentioned that her older son and husband were home sick with the H1N1 virus. What?! Who drops off their kid with strangers, when their family has a highly contagious virus?!!!!!!! That was the last time Andrew "hung" out with that kid.
So, this summer that kid, his brother, and a few others, were racing up and down the street (we live on a cul-de-sac, off of a cul-de-sac, so there is not a lot of traffic), Andrew drifted down and just like that, the kids were constant figures in and out of our house. I had a hard time adjusting to the fact that I had NO idea what some of their parents look like, or even which house they lived in. (clearly we don't live on a street where we're all close and have street parties and junk like that). I tried to go with Andrew's feelings on them. When the kids would leave, I'd try to quiz Andrew, attempting to be all nonchalant about it. I'd ask him, if he liked them, felt safe, did they use bad words, were they nice, etc. I tried to go with the facts I could see: they were polite, nice to Alexa, and nice to Andrew's stuff. I feel like those 3 things are pretty good judges of character. The kids were pretty nice and all was ok, except for one thing. One of the kids apparently has some bladder issues and had 2 accidents- thankfully the carpets and Andrew's bed were not "harmed," but I was really put off. It's one thing to clean up a toddler's accident, but an 8 year old's that you don't even know what his parents look like or where they live? No thanks. I mentioned to Andrew that maybe that kid could be a friend he played with outside. I didn't want to cast judgement or make the kid a weirdo, but there was a new rule: Andrew was NOT allowed in that kid's house, and that kid wasn't really welcome IN our house.
I won't lie, I have struggled with this neighborhood kid situation a lot. First, I never see the parents. I have exchanged numbers with one mom. This particular parent- while I have only seen once, I have been pleased with the things she's fed Andrew when he's eaten there (lots of fruits and veggies), which is not a lot to go on, but it's all I've got. However, her kids have a lot of freedom that Andrew does not have. One of our other rules is: Andrew cannot leave our street. Unfortunately, this rule seems to have greatly reduced the amount of time his 2 favorite kids have come around. (Andrew doesn't seem bothered by this.) Second, I'm having to trust Andrew. Putting faith in a spastic 8 year old boy, who has up to this point, had a very controlled environment is frightening, but I'll be honest, I continue to be impressed with Andrew. Yesterday we were coming home, and he saw a couple of the kids and said, "OH NO! Tell them I can't play!" I was surprised. He hadn't played with them for a couple of days, I knew he missed them, so why didn't he want to play. His explanation: "That one kid makes me uncomfortable." I talked to him about it later, and couldn't quite figure out why, but if Andrew said that kid made him uncomfortable- good enough for me. I like how he handled the situation, that he was honest, and that he listens to his inner voice. Third, while the 2 favorite kids have good manners, and decent social skills, some of these other kids . . . For example, today I was eating a late lunch. I had some strawberries on my plate. This kid came up and took the strawberry off my plate!!!!!! I hope I didn't embarrass Andrew with my response, but I said, "No!" The kid responded, "Why? I like them!" I responded, "When you are a guest in someone's house, you should either wait to be offered something, or ask, "May I please . . . " The kid stood there stunned. Clearly he had never been taught manners in his life, or maybe no one's ever talked to him like that (this is the same kid with the bladder issues). It took him several seconds, but eventually, he said, "Can I please have a strawberry?" "Sure!" I can't imagine Andrew or even Alexa, ever doing such a thing. I mean- maybe to a grandparent or his parents . . . but in a friend's house?!!!! I would be so embarrassed!
All I can do with this situation is chock it up to, experience. This is when Andrew figures out what he's ok with. I just hope that his experiences are not anything we can't "undo." Plus, I'm trying to make my house the fun house with the good food, drinks, and snacks (because if they're at my house- I can keep an eye out).
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