Chess Match, And I Will Win
I once said Andrew's like the Motel 6 . . . he'll leave a light on, or 3. All day. Whether he's in his room, or not. He and I have been having a bit of a struggle over the light situation. He NEVER turns the lights out. Ever. I'm so tired of walking back to his room, climbing over 2 puppy gates, and turning the lights out in his room. I do it probably 3-5 times a day. I mean . . . why am I turning the lights out in his room so much? It's daylight! He's not looking at anything except his phone or the tv when he's in his room. Neither require the use of an overhead light, a desk light, or a bedside light.
I started by saying sarcastic comments, indicating I was irritated that he never turns his light out. But he just smiled his, "But I'm Still Your Only Son, and You Think I'm Awesome" smile. Then I did the, "Hey- I'm kind of serious- it's wasteful. Turn off your light." and he responded, "Ok- you're right." (I hate that "Ok you're right." It's his way of ending a conversation he doesn't want to have with me. Like a moron- I taught him that trick when he was ten years old. I told him that's how you end an argument and get the last word. I AM SORRY to my future daughter in law. She has years of dissatisfying fights ahead of her.). The lights kept getting left on.
More drastic measures were needed. And I think we all know- I'm nothing, if not overly dramatic and creative.
I asked myself, "What's something that Andrew would hate to have taken away?" Hah. He would be miserable if I took the box fanS he sleeps with. Yes. He sleeps with 2 box fans, plus his ceiling fan, and you know we live in the south, so we have central air conditioning. It sounds like an airplane hangar in his room. I told him, if he left his lights on, one more time . . . I would take a fan for a week. Wouldn't you know, later that day- he left all the lights on in his room when he went to school with his dad for several hours. I videotaped myself walking to his room, discovering the light on, and taking the fan. Then I texted the video to him. He was super bummed that first night. Only 1 box fan, 1 ceiling fan, and the air conditioning- hard times. (my eyes are rolling so far up inside my head, a tween girl would be proud). The FOLLOWING day- he went to baseball practice and . . . left his lights on. I videotaped myself walking down the hall, discovering the light on, and taking the other box fan. I hid them. Super hard. (not really. He's a terrible looker. They were basically in plain sight). He was miserable with no fan. So the following night- he went into Alexa's room and took her fan while she was sleeping (why do my kids sleep with fans? I don't know. They just do). I pretty much saw red, and Psycho Mom was barely held in. She doesn't get released often, but when it happens, it's always memorable. Don't be a selfish jerk and cause others discomfort because you made bad choices even though you were warned. I digress.
Andrew made a grave error at this point. He told me this was like a chess match and he was always one step ahead of me. Oh. Are you? I don't think you are. I'm one step ahead of you my friend. But I accept your challenge, and you will regret this. You will regret this.
I decided to totally change course of action. I was going to turn the breaker off to his room. He'd NEVER think to look at that- and it would impact everything. Except that he and Alexa are on the same breaker, and she shouldn't be caught in the cross fires of our "chess match." I decided to give him his fans back. I set them back in his room right at the doorway, where he could see them. He foolishly thought I had conceded. I just "lulled him into a false sense of reality." I took his lights. I hid all of the light bulbs in the house AND the flashlights. He had a totally dark room. Tell me son, are you still one step ahead of me? Unfortunately- luck is always on his side- so yeah- he was two steps ahead of me.
Currently here's where we stand: #1 Alexa took pity on him, and gave him a light. I couldn't argue with that. While I don't want my kids ganging up on me, I like the idea of Andrew being indebted to Alexa. I will definitely be lording that over his head- and encouraging her to use it to her advantage. #2 I decided I would give him back his overhead light (he never complained about it. He just accepted his fate. That basically takes the joy out of it for me. I want to know he's suffering. I want to know he is so bummed to not have a light in his room. Without his suffering- why bother?) Anyway- I just put the light bulbs back in his overhead light AND THEY'RE ALL BLOWN OUT! And of course he has some dumb bulbs that I don't have extras of. I mean- I have extra lava light bulbs, and kitchen bulbs, and spot light bulbs, and regular bulbs- but not bulbs for his overhead light- so if I want to replace them I HAVE TO GO BUY THEM. DOGGONE MYSELF.
I have not given up the Chess Match. I'm just taking a day to again lull him into a false sense of calm, and to come up with a new plan. Because dude. I don't want to think about school stuff, so I'll think of ways to train you up.
I started by saying sarcastic comments, indicating I was irritated that he never turns his light out. But he just smiled his, "But I'm Still Your Only Son, and You Think I'm Awesome" smile. Then I did the, "Hey- I'm kind of serious- it's wasteful. Turn off your light." and he responded, "Ok- you're right." (I hate that "Ok you're right." It's his way of ending a conversation he doesn't want to have with me. Like a moron- I taught him that trick when he was ten years old. I told him that's how you end an argument and get the last word. I AM SORRY to my future daughter in law. She has years of dissatisfying fights ahead of her.). The lights kept getting left on.
More drastic measures were needed. And I think we all know- I'm nothing, if not overly dramatic and creative.
I asked myself, "What's something that Andrew would hate to have taken away?" Hah. He would be miserable if I took the box fanS he sleeps with. Yes. He sleeps with 2 box fans, plus his ceiling fan, and you know we live in the south, so we have central air conditioning. It sounds like an airplane hangar in his room. I told him, if he left his lights on, one more time . . . I would take a fan for a week. Wouldn't you know, later that day- he left all the lights on in his room when he went to school with his dad for several hours. I videotaped myself walking to his room, discovering the light on, and taking the fan. Then I texted the video to him. He was super bummed that first night. Only 1 box fan, 1 ceiling fan, and the air conditioning- hard times. (my eyes are rolling so far up inside my head, a tween girl would be proud). The FOLLOWING day- he went to baseball practice and . . . left his lights on. I videotaped myself walking down the hall, discovering the light on, and taking the other box fan. I hid them. Super hard. (not really. He's a terrible looker. They were basically in plain sight). He was miserable with no fan. So the following night- he went into Alexa's room and took her fan while she was sleeping (why do my kids sleep with fans? I don't know. They just do). I pretty much saw red, and Psycho Mom was barely held in. She doesn't get released often, but when it happens, it's always memorable. Don't be a selfish jerk and cause others discomfort because you made bad choices even though you were warned. I digress.
Andrew made a grave error at this point. He told me this was like a chess match and he was always one step ahead of me. Oh. Are you? I don't think you are. I'm one step ahead of you my friend. But I accept your challenge, and you will regret this. You will regret this.
I decided to totally change course of action. I was going to turn the breaker off to his room. He'd NEVER think to look at that- and it would impact everything. Except that he and Alexa are on the same breaker, and she shouldn't be caught in the cross fires of our "chess match." I decided to give him his fans back. I set them back in his room right at the doorway, where he could see them. He foolishly thought I had conceded. I just "lulled him into a false sense of reality." I took his lights. I hid all of the light bulbs in the house AND the flashlights. He had a totally dark room. Tell me son, are you still one step ahead of me? Unfortunately- luck is always on his side- so yeah- he was two steps ahead of me.
Currently here's where we stand: #1 Alexa took pity on him, and gave him a light. I couldn't argue with that. While I don't want my kids ganging up on me, I like the idea of Andrew being indebted to Alexa. I will definitely be lording that over his head- and encouraging her to use it to her advantage. #2 I decided I would give him back his overhead light (he never complained about it. He just accepted his fate. That basically takes the joy out of it for me. I want to know he's suffering. I want to know he is so bummed to not have a light in his room. Without his suffering- why bother?) Anyway- I just put the light bulbs back in his overhead light AND THEY'RE ALL BLOWN OUT! And of course he has some dumb bulbs that I don't have extras of. I mean- I have extra lava light bulbs, and kitchen bulbs, and spot light bulbs, and regular bulbs- but not bulbs for his overhead light- so if I want to replace them I HAVE TO GO BUY THEM. DOGGONE MYSELF.
I have not given up the Chess Match. I'm just taking a day to again lull him into a false sense of calm, and to come up with a new plan. Because dude. I don't want to think about school stuff, so I'll think of ways to train you up.
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