Going, Going, Gone . . .
I've been feeling a little emotional about old Andrew lately (which explains why he's getting so many blogs I guess). He's transitioning. I can literally feel and see this transition happening. He's moving from little kid to big kid. It makes me a little sad. Not a lot. I like this big kid, but I miss the little kid.
There's been a couple of situations in the last few weeks, that have really brought it home to me. Plus my kids are 5 years apart. They are so obviously in separate stages, it's easy to decipher between their emotional/developmental stages.
Last week I dragged Andrew and Alexa with me to the ball park, so I could paint soccer fields. Upon our arrival there, Andrew found friends and ditched us. Letting Andrew out of complete eye sight in a public place is a new thing for me. I debated for a second and decided I'd give it a try. It's an enclosed park, there are enough people there that know Andrew, me and/or Doug, it should be fine. Alexa happily trotted along with me. After 30 minutes or so, Andrew checked in with me when I walked by where he was hanging. Unfortunately I didn't think to tell him I was going to a different area, and he must not have seen me go in a different direction. I realized this might be the situation about 30 minutes later. I felt bad, but was interested to see how he'd react to not knowing where I was. I finished up what I was doing, found Andrew, and we loaded up to go home. While getting in the car he says, "I couldn't find you for awhile." He wasn't mad, scared, or upset. He was making conversation. I asked, "How did that make you feel?" He said, "At first I was nervous, but then I saw your car, so I knew you were still here, so I figured I'd stay at this field because then I could see your car, and I'd know if you were leaving." I said, "Good plan! You know- I wouldn't leave without you- right?"
Strangely, I feel like we both passed a test. I passed the "Good job allowing the child to spread his wings in a safe environment" and he passed the, "I know what to do, if I don't see my parent" test. (frankly his test is more important to me).
I played hooky from school today. First time all year. I really lived it up. I cleaned the fridge like a boss. I mean- I cleaned out the condiments, leftovers, washed all the shelves and drawers. I vacuumed underneath it. It's clean. I cleaned the microwave, wiped down the kitchen cabinets. I ran errands (when I go all rebellious, I just go crazy). In the middle of all that, I went to eat lunch with Andrew for the first time this year, and what was probably the last time in his school career. I checked with him first as it occurred to me that he might not be down with me eating with him. I told him I'd bring Chick Fil A- I got the approval that it was ok for me to be there. It sort of hurt my heart a bit that I had to bribe him, it didn't hurt my feelings that I am not cool, it hurt my heart that he's getting too cool. When it came time to leave, he wouldn't let me walk him back to class. He handed me his drink and said over his shoulder, "See ya!" And he was gone. Literally. And figuratively. There went my little boy.
There's been a couple of situations in the last few weeks, that have really brought it home to me. Plus my kids are 5 years apart. They are so obviously in separate stages, it's easy to decipher between their emotional/developmental stages.
Last week I dragged Andrew and Alexa with me to the ball park, so I could paint soccer fields. Upon our arrival there, Andrew found friends and ditched us. Letting Andrew out of complete eye sight in a public place is a new thing for me. I debated for a second and decided I'd give it a try. It's an enclosed park, there are enough people there that know Andrew, me and/or Doug, it should be fine. Alexa happily trotted along with me. After 30 minutes or so, Andrew checked in with me when I walked by where he was hanging. Unfortunately I didn't think to tell him I was going to a different area, and he must not have seen me go in a different direction. I realized this might be the situation about 30 minutes later. I felt bad, but was interested to see how he'd react to not knowing where I was. I finished up what I was doing, found Andrew, and we loaded up to go home. While getting in the car he says, "I couldn't find you for awhile." He wasn't mad, scared, or upset. He was making conversation. I asked, "How did that make you feel?" He said, "At first I was nervous, but then I saw your car, so I knew you were still here, so I figured I'd stay at this field because then I could see your car, and I'd know if you were leaving." I said, "Good plan! You know- I wouldn't leave without you- right?"
Strangely, I feel like we both passed a test. I passed the "Good job allowing the child to spread his wings in a safe environment" and he passed the, "I know what to do, if I don't see my parent" test. (frankly his test is more important to me).
I played hooky from school today. First time all year. I really lived it up. I cleaned the fridge like a boss. I mean- I cleaned out the condiments, leftovers, washed all the shelves and drawers. I vacuumed underneath it. It's clean. I cleaned the microwave, wiped down the kitchen cabinets. I ran errands (when I go all rebellious, I just go crazy). In the middle of all that, I went to eat lunch with Andrew for the first time this year, and what was probably the last time in his school career. I checked with him first as it occurred to me that he might not be down with me eating with him. I told him I'd bring Chick Fil A- I got the approval that it was ok for me to be there. It sort of hurt my heart a bit that I had to bribe him, it didn't hurt my feelings that I am not cool, it hurt my heart that he's getting too cool. When it came time to leave, he wouldn't let me walk him back to class. He handed me his drink and said over his shoulder, "See ya!" And he was gone. Literally. And figuratively. There went my little boy.
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